Compass
by anna.who.was.mad
Summary: On the cusp of her thirtieth birthday, travel blogger Bella Swan is ready to set down roots after a decade of being on the run. When the boy she (sort of) hated in high school crosses her path, Bella quickly learns that exotic locations have nothing on home-grown love. (All Human, OOC, Rated M *NOW COMPLETE*)
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Welcome! Thanks for reading.**

 **Chapter One**

I love everything bagels. In a gluten-free, low-carb world, I am the taboo bagel eater among my friends. Lightly toasted with a layer of cream cheese in the middle, I indulge. I indulge so obscenely my roommate Rose stares at my food with raw longing as she inhales her nicotine breakfast just outside the French doors of our kitchen.

"I hate you."

I shrug one shoulder and take another bite, licking the poppy seeds off my lips. "I love you too, darling."

"Bite me."

I smile, flipping the newspaper to the Sunday comics. "Bite my bagel instead. You know you want to."

She rolls her eyes and I swear she's salivating. "If I eat a bagel, I'll bloat. I have that thing tomorrow."

"Oh yes. The thing. We mustn't forget the thing," I say.

"You try wearing a white bandage dress."

"I wouldn't. Bandage dress sounds awful. Bandages go on wounds."

"Maybe they'll put me in something different. I don't know."

"I read yesterday that fifty percent of animal species on Earth will be extinct in the next fifty years and you're worried about the clothes you wear?"

"Bella, really? I know the world is doomed and humanity is one step away from extinction, but until then, I have bills. Besides, this part pays really well."

"You sell-out. Pushing groundbreaking tampons that are really the same tampons that have been on the market for years just in new, colorful packaging. I'm telling you, the Diva Cup is the way to go for sustainability."

She flicks the top of my newspaper. "There are plenty of women out there who aren't into putting silicone cups up their hoo-ha like you."

Rosalie is right. I'm all talk. I can't even bring myself to be fully vegan because I love my Nikes and who on God's green earth could live without cheese? She can't sell me on fluoride toothpaste though. That stuff is the devil. I'm in that awkward stage somewhere between being an Atheist on the verge of existential crisis and being one of those girls who rename themselves Lotus and walk around in yoga pants saying Namaste and shit. I think my base chakra may be unbalanced, but who has time for meditation? You know what happens when I meditate? I'm bombarded with ridiculous teenage traumas like in ninth grade when Edward Masen took my Lisa Frank notebook and drew a dick on it. It even had a happy face on the tip and a few hairs on its exaggerated ball sack. What's worse is I didn't notice it until my dad was purple-faced and pointing at it with one of his sausage fingers screeching, "what in the fresh hell is that?" Needless to say, I died in that kitchen as my dad tore my notebook cover off. I never saw it again.

My innocence was fully obliterated the following day when I walked into homeroom with my newly naked notebook and that red-headed piece of trash asked me how I liked his artwork amid snickers from his friends. He was mean to me in that irritating way that if he would have stopped, I kind of would have missed it. I gave as good as I got and even I can admit he was very pretty when he wasn't talking. Everyone knew we couldn't stand each other. I had no idea then that Edward would eventually become one of my deep, dark secrets. While it was assumed I went off to college a virgin, that wasn't the case. Edward and I slept together after a chance encounter in Seattle. It was clumsy, painful, and over after twelve thrusts. I counted. While I was expecting my nemesis-turned-lover to have a gherkin in his pants, something a girl could handle and maybe tease him over, he had a gigantic dick neither one of us knew what to do with. I held my breath almost the whole time because not only was he knocking at my womb's door, his face was in my face and I had to burp really bad. We'd been eating tacos. I'm a very considerate person.

"Are you over there being a pervert?" Rose asks me as she opens up a non-fat yogurt.

"No. God. Why?"

"You're staring at the wall breathing heavily. How long has it been?"

"Theo. So like four months." I got my own in my twenties. I figured if I could take King Kong Dong right out of the gate, I could handle anything. After making the scary decision to drop out of college after my first year, I was too busy building my career as a travel blogger to stay in one place long enough to have a real relationship. Now that my blog has grown and morphed into a major travel and lifestyle website that hosts myriad guest bloggers and video content, I have a lot more time on my hands. More time to sit and reassess where I'm at and where I'm going. What I want now that I'm financially set and ready to put down roots. I've had lovers all over the world and I regret none of them, but things change. In the last year, my random hook-ups have become emptier and much less frequent. I want more. As thirty approaches, I'm starting to feel my age. Seeing all of my friends aside from Rose either married or getting married doesn't help. She could be with Emmett, but she has this crazy notion that giving in to the love of her life will be the final nail in the coffin of a career in film that has never quite taken off. She works at Whole Foods when she isn't scoring parts in feminine hygiene adverts.

"I'm going out with some friends tonight. Maybe you should tag along. You remember Alice, don't you?"

"How could I forget? The first thing she ever said to me was to compliment my tits and ask if she could photograph them."

"That's what she does. She has a book out now. A picture of your tits could be worth thousands if you weren't so modest."

"It's not modesty. It's my tattoos. Isn't the rule for nudes to keep your face and any other identifying factors out? My quill and ink well covers the side of my rib cage pretty much." I have a tattoo from every continent aside from Antarctica.

"Have you never heard of concealer? I have some Cover FX that works wonders."

I scoff. "That was like a year ago anyway. My boobs aren't meant to be on anyone's coffee table, in a book or not."

"That'd be hot. Getting bent over a coffee table. A glass one with a camera underneath."

"Rose. No, honey. Nothing looks good smashed flat like that."

"You're probably right."

Of course I am. "Where are you guys going anyway?"

"Eclipse."

"Never heard of it."

"It's new. Alice got an invite because she's a big deal now. She asked me if I wanted to come."

"If it's invite only, I don't think I'll be allowed in."

She begins typing away on her phone. "I'm texting Alice now."

"What are you saying?"

"That you'll show her a tit for an invite. Maybe lick a clit."

I gasp and throw my rolled up newspaper at her as she cackles. I fucking hate my best friend.

 **AN: Thoughts? I'd love to hear from you.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I apologize for any mistakes.**

 **Chapter Two:**

I feel like a hooker in a pair of high-waist shorts that are so tight I'm pretty sure they're going to chafe my butt crack by the end of the night. My legs are on full display and I'm wearing wedge sandals that are a size too big, but Rose swears they look fine. I feel like I'm going to fall and shatter a hip at some point with all the wiggle room. Rose insisted on dressing me after getting a good look in my closet. I drew the line at wearing the dress she picked, the short purple one that would have made me look like a walking eggplant. Some girls just don't have the torso to pull off ruffles while maintaining a human shape.

"You look beautiful, I _sa_ bella," Alice says as she kisses both of my cheeks. She's French... Canadian, but she studied art in Paris, so she claims to be straight from the motherland.

"Thank you, Alice. You look nice as well." She likes black. Black clothes, black hair, black eye liner, black lipstick. She looks darkly chic. She even smokes imported black cigarettes. Some people will go far to achieve a certain aesthetic. It's like she walked right out of a tumblr blog.

"This is Jasper. He is my lover for now."

I look at the super tall guy standing just behind her and wave. He's baby blue eyes and sandy blonde hair that's brushed back away from his face. "Um, hey."

"Ma'am," he says with a nod in my direction.

Am I the only one who hates being called ma'am? I grimace and take a look around at the new club. It's dark wood and has a masculine, speakeasy feel, like it's a secret place. I think it's a gimmick, a smart one, because the only indication we were at the right place was a small metal sign with a half moon on it hanging above a flight of stairs in an alley. People like secrets, exclusivity, and the amount of bodies packed in here is proof of that.

"What the fuck is he doing here? Oh my God, Bella. I think Emmett's on a date with someone else," Rose says with a quivering chin.

I grab a free drink from one of the trays being carried around before I spot Em's hulking figure. He does look cozy with the little brunette standing next to him, but what did Rose expect? "Well, you've been stringing him along for like three years and you did sleep with that fake agent dude a month ago."

"I thought I'd get a break! Fucking is one thing, but look at him. He has his arm around her shoulder."

"Arm around the shoulder isn't okay, but dick in the vagina is acceptable?"

Rose rolls her eyes. "You don't get it. Sex is a release. It looks like he actually likes her."

"If you're that insecure, go talk to him. And maybe try commitment on for size."

"Come on," she says as she grabs my hand and almost makes me fall.

"Watch it. My shoes don't fit."

"You'll be fine," she growls and continues to weave us through the crowd.

I'm waiting for the inevitable awkwardness when Rose stops right in front of Emmett, her hand still clenching mine, and says all sultry-like, "Emmett, hi. I didn't know you'd be here, though I have to say my night just got infinitely better seeing you."

Oh, that line was smooth as a baby's ass.

"Rose," Em says with a nod. "Hi, Bella."

"Hey you." I adore Emmett. He's nice, has his shit in order, and loves Rose in a way that makes me jealous sometimes. I'd say she doesn't deserve him, but I'm loyal.

"Who's your friend?" Rose asks, and I see the cheetah inside of her readying for the kill.

"Marcy McCarty," the woman says with her hand out. "Emmett's cousin."

Blood rushes back into my hand once Rose lets go of it. "Cousin?"

"Yeah, my uncle Vic's daughter. She's new to the city and I told him I'd show her around."

"Cousin. Right. I'm Rose."

"Lovely to meet you," Marcy says. "And you're Bella, I gather?"

"That would be me," I say taking a good look at her. It's creepy how much we resemble each other. I think she notices it too because we just kind of stare at one another for a few moments, probably both wondering if we were twins separated at birth. Or maybe that's just me.

Rose clears her throat and I divert my eyes to the drink in my hand. It has an orange rind in it and tastes like ass, but I've never been much of a drinker. It was free, though, so what can I expect?

"Is there somewhere quiet we can talk?" Rose asks Emmett. "I'm sure Bella would be happy to keep your cousin company."

You ho bag! I don't want to sit with her. I want to go home. I stare into Emmett's eyes since he's right in front of me, trying to telepathically communicate with him my desire to leave, but it doesn't seem to be working. He just stares back dumbly for the longest minute ever until understanding lights up his face. I smile in relief. "You're trying to read my aura aren't you? I read that post on your website last week," he says proudly, completely missing the mark.

My smile falls. He failed me. "Yeah, and it's as black as your heart," I say as I take Marcy's hand. "Let's go find a seat before they're all gone."

We find an empty corner table that has a divider screen right next to it that looks perfect for me to hide behind. I'm feeling anxious as it is having to make small talk with a virtual stranger. I used to be amazing at chatting with random people all over the world, sometimes brokenly as I stumbled over translation books, but things change. After buying my house six months ago and cutting back drastically on traveling, I've become a mean hermit who practically hisses at new company. I'm hard-pressed to wear pants most days.

"Sorry I was pawned off on you. Emmett's told me about the infamous Rosalie Hale. I wish she'd get her act together and see what a catch Emmy is," Marcy says as if we're long lost besties.

I may agree with her, but Rose has been my friend for eight very long years. "Whoa, slow your roll there. It's like foreplay for them."

She arches an eyebrow. "Is it?"

I nod as I sip my nasty beverage. I don't want to talk about Rose and Emmett. One thing I've learned is how much people like to talk about themselves, especially my fellow Americans, so I decide to turn the tables. "How about you? Are you seeing anyone?"

Marcy giggles and crosses her legs like she's gearing up to tell me something good. "I had a fiancé back in Tennessee, Michael, but I knew it wasn't going to work out. Instead of picking out a wedding dress, I was applying at any job I was qualified for out here in Seattle and making arrangements to stay with Em. I knew it was the right decision, especially when I met someone practically as soon as I stepped off the plane."

"Awesome," I say into my glass. "Where's he at?"

"This is actually his place. He has a few other start-ups around the country. One in Brooklyn, one in Las Vegas, and another in Austin. He said it felt like the right time to come home and be around his parents. Isn't that just the sweetest thing?"

I smile and I can feel how fake it is. "So sweet."

"I'm meeting his mother tomorrow for brunch. Emmett's coming too, so I shouldn't be too nervous."

"Why would Emmett be going?"

"He's the reason I met E. They've been friends since their college days."

I'm mad at Rose. If she wasn't so funky about commitment, maybe I would have been introduced to this guy instead of Em's cousin. Then again, he's probably a huge tool and I may have dodged a bullet. My phone vibrates on the table top and I see a new email notification. "That's lovely, Marcy," I say distractedly as I begin to type out a quick reply to one of my mods.

"There you are," some guy says just as Marcy squeals, "E!"

"We were just talking about you."

"Who?" he asks.

I look up from my phone, and once I do, my body takes over and flings me backward, toppling my barstool over with me in it. It could have been bad, but the wall catches me so I'm just teetering. There's a warm hand around my wrist pulling me forward and I blink once, twice, three times. It's definitely him.

"Compass," he whispers his old nickname for me as he gently rubs his thumb over the compass tattoo on my inner wrist. It was my first, his drawing, that I got over a decade ago here in Seattle. It was the last time I saw him.

"Hello, Edward."

 **AN: Thanks so much for reading! I plan to update as often as possible until this story is finished.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

 **Seattle 2004**

"There's nothing you can do? No other flights?" I ask the lady at the counter. I'd been sitting at the airport for nearly five hours before they announced my flight was rescheduled for the following afternoon due to a mechanical issue.

"I'm sorry. The airline will be happy to reimburse you for hotel accommodations," she says and continues to give me a pamphlet outlining the steps I need to take to get my money back for a hotel.

My parents already left Seattle to head back home, so I don't have a car. Thankfully, cash isn't a problem because I have a Visa my parents gave me for emergencies along with the money I've been saving from my various high school jobs over the years. I'm just itching to get out of the state of Washington. Pretty much all my life, my bedroom walls were papered with world maps tacked with purple pins to indicate all the places I want to go to. Going to college in Texas seems like a good enough start. Everyone asked me why I chose the University of Texas at Austin, but I don't have a solid answer aside from it being a good school far away from home.

After getting a cab and a hotel room, I head into the city to see what I can get into. I've been to Seattle a few times, but not without one of my parents pretty much dictating where we went. I mosey around, thankful for the nice weather as I make my way toward Pike Place. I want food.

"Bella?"

I turn and see Edward stepping out of a record store with his ever present messenger bag flung over his shoulder. I love/hate the way my stomach ties up whenever I see him. It usually swings toward the hate side when he starts talking. I haven't seen him since the massive graduation party Mike Newton threw two months ago. I'd had too much to drink, so my judgment was completely off the mark when I decided it would be a good idea to kiss Edward. I don't know how it happened and I promptly threw up afterward and told him to stay away from me.

"Hi."

"I thought you'd be in Texas by now."

I shrug. "My flight got delayed so I'm stuck here until tomorrow."

"Are you alone?"

"Yeah. My mom and dad had to head back home."

"That's no good. Do you need a place to stay?" He asks as if he's concerned for my well being. I know Edward is going to school here in the city.

"I got a room," I say as we stand quietly on a busy street just looking at each other. It doesn't take long for our staring to begin to feel heavy.

He clears his throat and mumbles something I don't hear. "What?"

He scrunches up his face and his cheeks blush. "Would... would you like some company?"

Edward isn't my favorite person. He's immature and cocky and says and does the most ridiculous things. I have no idea why he would want to spend time with me after everything, but I surprise myself when the word "yes" tumbles out of my mouth.

 **-Present-**

"You two know each other?" Marcy asks as my hand feels like it's about to be burned off from Edward's touch. He still hasn't let me go.

"We went to high school together," he says without taking his eyes off mine.

"Yeah, high school," I say.

"You're back in Seattle."

"I am."

"For how long?"

I shrug. "I bought a house. With money."

He smirks and he has most definitely grown from pretty teenager to beautiful man. "That's usually what people buy houses with."

Heart-stopping handsome or not, I squint my eyes and remember just how incendiary we are together. "Are you going to let go of my wrist?"

Edward opens his hand quickly and looks at Marcy. I do, too, seeing her squirming uncomfortably. "Sorry I took so long," he says.

She smiles with his attention back on her. "It's alright. Businesses don't run themselves."

"No they don't," I say in agreement. "So how long have you two been a thing?"

"About a month," Marcy says.

"Good for you." It doesn't feel good, though. I kind of feel sick, actually. I look everywhere else but at the two of them as I stand up and try to shimmy my fat ass between the table and the partition. I'm not fat, but I just feel really insecure all the sudden, something I haven't felt in years. I really need to get home. "I need to get going. It was nice meeting you, Marcy."

"You too, Bella. I don't have a lot of friends at the moment. We should go out for coffee sometime."

"Yeah, definitely. Emmett knows how to get in touch with me," I say nicely like I'd actually hang out with her again on purpose.

I'm halfway to my escape when Edward taps my shoulder. I know it's him because I feel weirdly hot and prickly. I've never quite understood why he had the power to wreck me. I hate it. I'm a grown ass woman who has led a damn good life so far. Maybe it's the drink. "What?" I ask through clenched teeth.

"So you're really staying here?"

"Why?"

He sighs and I feel his breath on the back of my neck. Goosebumps erupt all over my arms. "I just... it's good to see you. I'd like to catch up."

"What would we say?"

"I don't know. Say anything. Ask anything."

I turn to look at him and I shouldn't. I feel all emotional and kind of like I should wrap him up in my arms and never let him go. Again. "Maybe, but I don't think your girlfriend would like that too much all things considered."

He shakes his head, but I see how he peeks over his shoulder to check on her. "Dinner in a public place doesn't mean anything. Something casual."

"Casual like tacos?" I know he'll remember the night we shared way back when. He looks wounded and it's weird and I need to get the hell out of here. "I have to go," I say.

"You always have to go," he says and before I can ask him what that means, he's the one walking away.

 **AN: Thank you for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Major thank you to SunflowerFran who recommended my story on her FB page. That was so very sweet of you! And thank you and welcome to all of my new readers. I hope you enjoy my story.**

 **I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. I'm posting as I write and I don't have a beta.**

 **Chapter Four**

Delirious from too much sleep, I swat away at whatever is poking into my side. I peek over my blanket to see it's Rose and one of her talons.

"Are you alive? I'm starting to think there's something wrong with you."

I blink at Rose and sink further into my couch cushions. "I'm fine."

"Then stop being lazy. Every time I come home, you're still on this damn sofa. Have you even showered?"

I lift up my arm and unceremoniously sniff my pit. I'm alright. She'd die if she knew how long I didn't shower while I was in Nepal. Three days is nothing. Besides, I finished my article and signed for the packages of products sent from several companies for me to review. I haven't been dead to the world, just strangely listless. "What do you want?"

"I want you to tell me why you've been on the couch for three days or walking around sighing at everything. You're usually a ball of energy. It's freaking me out."

I start to sigh, but she just accused me of doing it too much, so I catch myself. "I'm just really tired."

"You're lying through your teeth that probably have fuzz growing on them by now. Nasty. Are you mad at me for bailing on you at the bar? I was surprised to hear you left."

I groan and cover my head. "I'm not mad. Nothing happened." Everything happened and I have no right to be pissy about seeing Edward again.

"I never asked if anything happened. Ha! You just told on yourself. So spill."

"No."

"I'll sit on you until you tell me," she says as she starts to crawl on top of me.

"What the fuck?" I sit up.

Rose plops down in the seat next to me and moves the hair out of my eyes. "Bella, for real. I know I'm being pushy, but I'm kind of scared. Are you like depressed? Do you need help?"

"No. I'm just trying to work something out in my head."

"Like what?"

I trace over the tattoo on my wrist. All the little things in it that said so much. Though it was a cartoon penis he drew on my notebook, Edward was actually a really good artist. As we walked around the city having a great conversation and not our usual arguing, he pulled the compass drawing out of his bag and handed it to me. I looked up at him and he just smiled without his normal bravado, telling me he'd meant to give it to me the night of Mike's party.

 _"I don't want you to forget where home is."_

"I ran into an old friend at Eclipse. _The_ old friend," I say as I tap my tattoo, hoping she'll get me.

"The guy who drew this?" I'd kind of told her about Edward, but not really. I'd referred to him as the only guy who truly got under my skin. We were all wrong at the wrong time and I still don't know if the whole thing will ever be right. I stopped questioning it years ago, but seeing him again has pulled the tarp off all the old things packed away inside me.

"Yeah. He's Emmett's friend. And Marcy's new boyfriend."

Rose's eyes widen and her mouth drops open in surprise. "Oh my God. Edward? It's Edward."

"It's Edward," I confirm.

"Holy shit, Bella."

"I know. I'm just having a lot of feelings about it."

"Seeing him again?"

I nod, but it's so much more than that. More than I can articulate.

 **Seattle, 2004**

My eyes sting as I look over the compass drawing Edward just gave to me. He sees the tears in my eyes and starts apologizing, something he rarely does. "No, no, it's okay. This is great, Edward. Why a compass?"

He looks away from me and tucks his chin to his shoulder. "It's how I refer to you in my head. My compass. Not that you're mine, of course you aren't, but I admire you. How ballsy you are. I don't want you to forget where home is once you go out into the world. I know you will. Go explore the world, I mean."

I feel like there's a fist around my heart and it's like I'm seeing Edward for the first time. He hasn't irritated me once this afternoon as we looked through shops and listened to a few musicians on the streets, just enjoying the sunny weather and our time together. The crazy idea forms quickly and before I can think too much about it, I know it's meant to be. "Let's go find a tattoo parlor."

"What?"

"I want this on me. I have this idea of getting tattoos on every continent. Make my skin a map."

"What about Antarctica?"

I laugh. "A girl can dream, but I can make the others happen."

"Are you sure?"

I'm starting to think there's a reason bigger than a mechanical failure that I'm stuck in Seattle today and that our paths crossed. "I'm very sure. I may as well knock North America off my list."

It doesn't take us long to find a tattoo parlor that's accepting walk-ins. The girl who does my tattoo is completely down with the idea and compliments Edward on his work. She scans the drawing to make a stencil that's fitted to my right wrist.

"Why'd you choose your wrist?" Edward asks as I lie on the chair with my arm out.

"So I see it every single day."

I'm a little shocked by the fiery sting of the needle on my skin, but I clench my teeth and bear the discomfort. The reward is worth it. Edward watches with rapt attention as his drawing slowly but surely becomes imbedded into my skin. His hand finds mine and I hold onto it tightly when my tattoo artist starts filling in the middle, the most sensitive part.

"Are you okay?" He whispers into my ear.

I look over at him, his eyes bright and so damn green on mine, and smile. "I am."

The whole process is quicker than I thought it would be. I'm so happy with the end result. Once I pay and leave a tip for my artist, Edward and I walk hand in hand out of the shop. "I can't believe you got a tattoo of my drawing."

"Well, you watched." It's sore, welted up, and shiny from the ointment, but the lines are crisp and the color is solid. It's beautiful, like it was always meant to be there.

The sun is beginning to set and I'm not ready for this day to be over. I think Edward feels the same way because he slows down our pace and has a contemplative look in his eyes. "So, Compass, are you hungry?"

I feel so shy and the silly grin on my face feels too wide. "I could eat."

"There's a place a few blocks from here that has great tacos. Do you like tacos?"

"I love them."

"Then let me treat you to dinner."

"I'd like that."

"Me too. Let's go," he says as he leads the way.

 **AN: Those darn tacos. Thank you for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: This one is longer than normal, but a lot happens.**

 **Chapter Five**

"Didn't you guys keep in touch after everything? You're like the queen of the internet," Rose says as I snuggle into her side for comfort.

"He sent me emails, but I was way too upset to respond. By the time I got over everything, he'd stopped sending them. It seemed like a good idea to just let things be. I don't know why I feel this way now."

"Wait. Why were you upset?"

I scoff through my snotty nose from the crying jag I just went on. "History likes to repeat itself. At least I know better now."

 **Seattle 2004**

I think I finally understand how some people make sacrifices between their desires and what life actually brings them. I don't want to get on a plane tomorrow unless Edward goes with me. Crazy, I know, but I feel crazy. Maybe it's my first taste of freedom, but something about tonight feels like magic I want to bottle up and keep forever. "Come inside with me," I whisper in his ear as our cab pulls up to my hotel.

"Okay."

I've never hooked up before, but I want to. Had I known Edward wasn't a total douche bag, maybe we could have been something other than combustible throughout our high school days. The walk up to my door is enough to cause butterflies to erupt in my stomach. I think Edward knows what I have in mind because he's been touching me and leaning in to me since dinner. I'd be lying if I said I feel nothing for him. He's always made me feel too much, no matter what it is.

I turn on the bathroom light to keep things dim for my benefit. I'm nervous as all get out, but my want is overriding my anxiety. I lean against the counter of the kitchenette and watch as Edward drops his bag on the floor at the foot of the bed. It's a king with plenty of room to roll around on. I've read enough dirty stuff to know that it sounds like something I want to try out.

I clear my throat and he looks at me the same way he looked at me the night of Mike's party. This time, though, I'm stone cold sober and know without a doubt that I want him to kiss me. I bite my bottom lip gently and Edward's gaze goes to my mouth. "You should come over here," I say and he doesn't disappoint.

"You're beautiful," he says once he reaches me. His touch is gentle as he weaves his fingers through my hair. My heart is beating a mile a minute when his hands cup my face and he kisses my forehead, cheeks, and the tip of my nose softly. It doesn't feel like expectation, but adoration.

"I think you are," I say as I close the distance between our mouths and kiss him like I've secretly been wanting to all evening. He makes this sound that goes straight between my legs and slow is thrown out the window as our mouths and hands take on minds of their own.

My fingers curl beneath the hem of his t-shirt and meet the soft, hot skin of his stomach. He gasps and I revel in the way his muscles tighten beneath my touch. He lifts me up onto the counter and fits his hips between my legs before he takes his shirt off and throws it behind him. I've never felt so much like an adult in my entire life than I do in this moment. I'm dizzy knowing this is real and happening.

He presses his forehead against mine and curls his arms around my back. "I'm tired of wanting you. Please let me have you," he whispers.

"You already do," I say as I push him away from me so I can walk over to the bed.

I'm scared shitless as I take off my shirt and kick my shoes off. When I open the button on my shorts, Edward starts to undo his belt buckle. The clink of metal sliding against metal sounds so loud in the quiet room. I keep my panties on as I get onto the bed, trying to focus on other things like the scratchiness of the polyester bed spread against my bare back to combat my nerves. Edward follows me and I shiver feeling so much of his skin against mine.

"I've never done this before," he says and I'm shocked. He seems like he knows what's up. Girls were all over him in high school and I just assumed things had happened.

"Neither have I."

"Should we get naked?"

I open and close my mouth before nodding. I mean, we have to be naked to do the thing. Once my underwear are on the floor with the rest of my clothes, I wish I would have turned down the bed before crawling on it. I could really use the blanket right about now. Our eyes are locked and neither one of us is looking down. I want to, but I don't.

"May I?" Edward asks as he slides his palm down my side to my hip.

This is totally awkward, but I want him so bad I don't care that it is. I open up my legs in invitation and Edward's between them again. I feel him bump up against me with no barriers and we both freeze. My head's spinning I'm so aroused from the anticipation alone.

"I should get a condom."

"Yeah," I say. How do people have sex every day? I bet there are thousands of people all over this city doing what Edward and I are trying to do. "Do you have one?"

"In my bag."

When he gets up, I see it. My eyes widen and my knees snap closed on their own. I've seen porn, but what Edward has jutting out proudly from his body is nothing I've ever seen. I'm no stranger to my body and I know the mechanics of sex, but how will those mechanics work with _that?_ Pieces are supposed to interlock, not destroy and conquer.

"Wow," I blurt out.

"What?"

I think you have a giant's penis, is all. "Being here with you."

He smiles and waves around a gold foil packet that glints in the ray of bathroom light. I smile, too, and watch as he rolls the latex down his length. It's not the length, but the width that I'm worried about. He's very... cylindrical.

"You're going to give me a complex if you keep staring like that." My eyes snap to his and he's smirking. I bet he knows he has nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to what he's working with.

"Come back," I say despite my sudden wariness.

My hormones are quick to take over when I kiss him again and I feel his chest brush against my nipples. The ache between my legs becomes a pulsing when Edward's fingers slide down my stomach and touch my clit. I moan and my hand finds his dick. There's a layer of latex on it, but I feel how hot and hard it is in my hand.

"Fuck," Edward groans and I want to hear him make that sound again so I squeeze him a little and run my fingers over his tip. "I'm not going to last long."

"It's okay," I say as I guide him to me. I'm so slick, I'm no longer worried, but ready to feel him inside me.

I hold onto him as he presses forward. All I feel is pressure, but it isn't bad, not at all. Edward's breathing is choppy and I wind my fingers through his thick, soft hair and bring his mouth to mine. Our tongues slide together and I relax just before the pressure gives way and Edward's inside me. I make this squeaky gasp sound and I'm clinging to him with every limb I have as I register the intense stinging assaulting my nether region.

"Are you okay?"

"Mmhmm," I mumble, but I don't know for sure. Damn, this hurts. All of my trashy novels lied to me. On top of all that, I feel like I have to burp really bad and Edward's nose is like an inch away from my mouth. My mind is going a mile a minute, unable to settle on just one thing.

I lift my hips, but no angle alleviates the fullness. He takes my squirming as an invitation to start moving. One, two, three, I count his thrusts and try to hold my breath. It's a lot of work and I hope like hell next time won't feel like this. My heart is happy, but my vagina is not.

I feel Edward's breath on my neck and then his mouth as he places wet kisses just below my ear. It's good, and I rub down his back as far as I can reach. Seven, eight... his thrusts are a little rougher and he groans, latching his lips on my neck, suckling a little. The sting is no longer sharp, but a dull aching. Nine, ten... he bottoms out inside me.

"Bella... I..." his words are cut off and with two more thrusts, his whole body stiffens for a few seconds before he's collapsing on top of me.

I stare at the ceiling as reality hits me. I just had sex. Real sex with another person. Edward's kind of laughing with his face in the pillow behind my head, so I burp as quietly as I can and try to blow it away.

"I'm sorry," he says even though he's smiling and not looking sorry at all.

"For what?"

"That you didn't get off."

Hearing Edward say that makes me laugh. "Maybe next time."

"I swear I'll try my best. I didn't know it would feel like that."

I'm strangely proud that I made him lose it. I smile and shrug because really, I just kind of laid there and let him do his thing. Not to mention he's swearing to do his best to give me orgasms once I recover from whatever his battering ram did down there.

He kisses me softly and there's this look of wonder in his eyes that makes my heart twist up. "Do you have any idea how amazing you are?"

I shake my head. "Maybe we see what we want to in people."

"Maybe. I need to go get rid of the," he trails off and motions toward his dick.

"Yeah, go, take your time. Heck, take a shower if you want?" I need a few minutes to check things out anyway.

He looks at me funny but nods. "Alright. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine."

I watch him gather his clothes off the floor and head into the bathroom. Once the door is shut, I flip on the lamp next to the bed and assess the damage. My cooter is alright, just sore and achy, and there's a little bit of blood, much less than what I was expecting from all that pain. I pull on my underwear and t-shirt just as the water starts in the bathroom.

I about jump out of my skin when I hear a tinny ringtone start playing from Edward's bag. I'm nosy, so I open it up and look at his phone. It's the new super skinny flip phone with a front screen that I saw in a magazine. I'm totally jealous. And who the heck is Kate? The phone stops ringing for about five seconds before it starts ringing again. Part of me feels compelled to answer, but I've already invaded his privacy enough. Again, it stops ringing before it blows up again with a call from Kate. Edward doesn't have any siblings and I'm pretty sure his mom's name is Elizabeth, not Kate. After the fourth call from this Kate, I flip it open.

"Hello?"

"Babe, where the hell are you? You were supposed to be here an hour ago. Do you have any idea how embarrassed I am?"

Babe? My stomach twists and I feel like I'm about to throw up. "I'm not Edward."

"You're... who is this?" Her voice goes from raging to calm way too fast.

"Who is this?" I ask instead, fearing the answer.

"Edward's girlfriend," she says bitingly.

"You're Edward's girlfriend?"

"Yes. Who the fuck are you?"

I feel so stupid and I'm so upset I start to cry. "I'm nobody," I whisper as I close the phone and put it back in his bag.

What did I just do? He didn't even mention Kate. He had all afternoon and most of the night to mention her.

"Hey," Edward says as he steps out of the bathroom. I can't look at him.

"You need to go."

"Huh? What's wrong?" He sounds panicked.

His phone starts going off again as a tear slides down my cheek. I shake my head and there's a painful lump in my throat that's making my voice sound funny. "You should get that."

He fishes out his phone and hangs up on her before turning his phone completely off. "It's nothing."

Now I'm just pissed. "I'm sure Kate wouldn't call it nothing."

"What?"

"Your phone kept ringing over and over again so I answered it. I'm sorry for invading your privacy. It was your girlfriend. She's pretty mad at you. I mean, you stood her up so you could fuck somebody else." I'm such an idiot.

"Bella, I –"

"Save it, Edward. You've never done it before, either, right? You weren't in a relationship with someone else this whole evening, right? You're an asshole."

"Bella, that's –"

"Just go, okay? I need you to leave," I say as I open the door. "It was what it was. I'm sorry I answered your phone. This should have never happened."

"No, don't say that."

"The reality is I have somewhere to be tomorrow. Thousands of miles away from here. It was a good day and I'll remember that, but I need to go and so do you."

"Why won't you listen to me?"

"There's nothing to listen to," I yell, so close to losing it. I hurt all over, but mostly in my chest.

Edward slides his feet into his shoes and grabs at his hair, pulling on it. He does that when he's frustrated. I hate that I know that about him. I hate that I know anything at all about him. I hate that he knows me enough to leave his mark on me in the most perfect way possible.

"For what it's worth, you really are the only girl I've ever slept with," he says thickly as if he's trying not to cry too.

"I don't know if I believe that."

"You not believing it doesn't change the truth," he says as he steps outside the door.

"Okay."

"Bella," he says and puts his hand on my shoulder. I shrug it off and his hand clenches into a fist. "Be safe out there. Wherever you are. Just take care of yourself."

I'll give him that. "You too." I think what I hate the most is how the devastation on his face gnaws at my insides as I close the door and lock him out.

 **AN: I left a lot of clues in chapter three with the whole Marcy thing. Thank you for reading, favoriting, following, and reviewing. It means a lot to me when you all share your thoughts :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at Edward the same way again," Rose says as she pours me a cup of tea. It's a new one, something organic, that was sent along with the new tea kettle I need to review. The tea claims to be loaded with antioxidants and calming properties, both something I could use right about now.

"It's weird that we haven't crossed paths before now. Same city, one degree of separation."

"Emmett and I have been on the fritz for awhile and Edward hasn't been back for long. He's moved around a lot building up his clubs and restaurants. All I really know about him is that he's loaded and does his own thing. It's not like we've all hung out."

I hum before taking a sip of my tea. It tastes like something flowery with a hint of cardamom. Not bad at all. "I'm glad he made something of himself. I never knew what he wanted to do with his life, just that he was really creative. Maybe I should talk to him."

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

I shrug. "What more damage could we do at this point? That was over a decade ago. I'm sure we're two very different people now. I know I am."

"Do you want me to get his number from Em?"

I'm not sure if I'm ready to call him. There's something I need to do first. "Not right now. I need a little time, I think."

"Let me know when you're ready. I hate to leave you, but I'm going out to dinner with Em. I hope his clingy cousin isn't there."

"You don't like her?"

"Honestly? She's really nice. Almost too nice. No one is that nice without a reason," Rose says as her eyes get wider and wider.

"I think I get what you mean, but what kind of ulterior motive would she have?"

"I don't know, snag the guy who could provide her with the life she wants? Em's always saying he's the first person in his family to go to college and make something of himself. I think that's why he's so protective of his cousin."

"Maybe."

"I have to get going. Call me if you need anything."

"I will."

I live in a hilly neighborhood in Seattle and my backyard has an incredible view of the sound. The gazebo and mature garden out back sold me on the house more than the house itself. I grab my tea and laptop and head out to the gazebo to do something I should have done years ago.

Every now and again, I sign in to my ancient Yahoo account I've had since high school. I'm surprised it hasn't been hacked by now since I've never changed the password. Still, on the left hand side, I click the folder I shuffled Edward's unread emails into. Despite the pang in my chest every time I received one from him, I couldn't bring myself to delete them.

The first, dated August 21, 2004, was sent the day after we spent together.

 _Bella,_

 _I don't know what to say. I'm not even mad you answered my phone. You were always impulsive and I love that about you. For so many years, I did and said shit to you just to see what you would do. You surprised me every single time._

 _You really are the only girl I've ever been with that way. I couldn't believe my luck when I walked out of that store and there you were walking down the sidewalk. I wish you knew how beautiful you've always been to me. I guess it's my fault for never telling you, but I couldn't stand the idea that you'd reject me. I tried to tell you the night of Mike's party, but you were so drunk I didn't want to take advantage of you. When you lunged at me, I couldn't not kiss you back._

 _Last night was the best night of my life. The best day. You were with me and I had this crazy idea that maybe we could make this work. You're well on your way to Austin right now, and I still feel like I should be in the seat next to you._

 _Kate isn't my girlfriend. We were dating casually, but she's kind of nuts. Not to sound mean, but she was pretty much stalking me after I first arrived here and started waiting tables. I worked with her. I say worked because I quit my job this morning when she freaked out on me and accused me of cheating on her. I didn't. I swear to you that I never once asked her to be my girlfriend. We didn't even go out anywhere alone, it was always with friends. We were supposed to go bowling with a few people last night and even then I told her I might go, not that I would for sure._

 _My only regret from last night is that I made you cry. It shouldn't have been like that. I should have held you and made sure you were alright. I don't know what she said to you, but I swear on my life that you're important to me and that I respect you enough not to have done something like that with you while someone else was waiting on the side. I would have told you about Kate if I thought there was something to tell._

 _Please don't shut me out._

 _Always,_

 _Edward_

I'm a blubbering mess by the end of his email. He sent twelve all together, the last one on August 20, 2005, the year anniversary of our being together. I was on an epic road trip with a few of my friends. We pooled our money to go to Las Vegas, over to New York City, and back down to Austin. We stopped off in Marietta, Georgia, too, but that was more so my friend could see her family and less about exploring. I remember the day vividly because I looked down at the tattoo on my wrist and for the first time during that year, I allowed myself to miss him.

We were kids back then, eighteen and green to the world. Not only is Edward a phenomenal artist, it's obvious to me he has the heart of a poet after an email like that. I was too busy running and looking ahead to give him a chance. Part of me aches to go back in time and tell him I'm sorry for running, but where would we be if things happened differently? Would I have a career I love and people I'm lucky enough to call friends from nearly every country I've been to? And what about him? Rose said he's loaded. Money doesn't measure the worth of a life, but it does mean that he found success. I doubt he'd keep doing what he's doing if he was miserable.

I click on the last email he sent.

 _Bella,_

 _I saw on your MySpace page that you've arrived in Vegas with your friends. I was going to send you a friend request, but I can't even get you to respond to my emails. That's fine. I understand._

 _I've come to realize in the last year that maybe I was only supposed to have you for a night. It turned out to be a clusterfuck, but I still look back on everything, the way you smell, the taste of your kiss, the way your body felt beneath mine, and know how lucky I am to have experienced you once. I know enough now to say without a doubt that you're my first love. I loved you. I probably always will. If our paths ever cross again, I want you to know that no matter what I have going on, I'll probably still want you the way I have for years. I don't know how not to want you, but I have to get out of this stagnant place of hoping you'll forgive me. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Maybe you delete my emails before reading them and I'm not even a thought in your head. I have no idea. Just know that I'm so proud of you for going out and doing what you said you were going to do. I'm your biggest fan, Compass._

 _I've never ventured far outside of Washington, but I think I'll start. My grandfather passed away six months ago and I was given a trust from his estate. My dad is helping me grow that money into something I can start a business with once I graduate. That's what I'm going to school for – business. I don't know if I ever told you._

 _Maybe I'll start it in Austin._

 _Wherever you are and whatever you're doing, I wish you happiness and that the sun is always shining on you the way it was when I saw you on the street that day._

 _Always,_

 _Edward_

I pick up my phone and send Rose a text: _Never mind what I said. Please get his number for me._

Rose, proving to me once again why she's my best friend, responds almost immediately: _I already did :)_

 **AN: Thank you so much for reading. The awesome response to this story makes me so happy. I truly do appreciate every one of you :)**

 **Who else has an ancient email account you keep around just to hoard old emails? I can't be the only one...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

I think I know how Edward felt all those years ago. It's been four very long days since I sent him a text. I chickened out when it came to actually calling him, instead opting to write a simple message. We both apparently have iMessage, so I know he read it. That's the part that's killing me, the little time stamp that popped up almost immediately after I sent the damn text. I keep compulsively looking at it, hoping I'll catch the three little dots that mean he's typing back.

 _I got your emails. I just didn't read them until now. I have so much to say if you want to hear it. More importantly, I'm ready to listen. –Bella_

I deserve to feel this way. There he was for so long and I was too caught up in my own shit to listen. That's all he asked of me. Just listen.

"Aaahh!" I growl-scream into my hands. I'm slacking on work, too, having posted a contingency article sitting in my documents about my experience with Buddhist culture in Thailand last year. I should follow my own steps to find peace instead of wallowing in this debilitating place of doubt. Edward said in his last email that he had to leave behind the stagnant place of hoping. How aptly put, Edward. Stagnant is exactly what this is.

Should I feel bad that I have no regard for his girlfriend? I mean, technically I was first, but he's actually dating someone this time around. Someone important enough to meet his mother. He's probably way over me by now, but in the off chance that he isn't, I'm pretty much obsessed with finding out where we can go from here. I'm selfishly confused that he hasn't responded because he did ask to talk that night at Eclipse. Maybe I was too harsh with him.

I'm sitting cross-legged on my kitchen island like the adult I am eating dairy free ice cream when my phone starts buzzing on the counter. I lunge for it like a wild animal and I'm disappointed to see it's my mom.

"What's up, Momma?"

"Hi, Belly. How are you?"

I look out my window at the rain falling and decide to lie. "I'm great. How are you and Dad?"

"Oh, we're doing alright. I read your new article. Very interesting. Of course, I can't get your father on the mindful living bandwagon, but I keep trying."

When I first started out blogging, I used to hate when my mom left comments on things. They were always flowery and full of love while I was trying to be professional. I don't mind now, though. "I'm sure he has his moments out on the boat."

"Yeah. You should have seen him when he caught me trying out that primal dance thing you wrote about. I smoked a little bit of the pot I keep in the garage, stripped down naked as the day I was born, and put on some Led Zeppelin. Billy was with him. He wasn't very happy with me."

I crack up over that. For being a cop's wife, Mom was awfully happy when marijuana was legalized in the state of Washington a few years ago. My dad likes to pretend he's conservative, but I have a feeling he wasn't so studious when he met my mom right after high school. He drove a Trans Am and had hair nearly as long as mine is now. He has no idea I have a picture of him where he was painted up like Ace Frehley from KISS. I stole it from an old box of pictures in the attic back home.

"I can imagine. There's nothing wrong with keeping things exciting."

"Oh, I was feeling it, jiggling in places I haven't let jiggle in a long time. I thought poor Billy was going to have a heart attack. Your dad may have acted like he was mad, but let me tell you, I got some damn good loving that night."

"Mom, TMI, really."

"What about that article you wrote on women owning their sexuality? I may be your mother, but I'm still a woman."

"Fine. You speak the truth."

"What about you? Have you been owning your sexuality with anyone recently?"

Honestly? I've been feeling like a fraud, especially this past week, throwing ideas and philosophies out into the world as if I have a right to give advice. "No, not recently. I was sort of seeing someone several months ago, but we were in different places. I've been focusing on other things. I really don't mind being single." Theo was ready to find the one, get married, and start a family. I'm not sure I want to get married, let alone have kids.

"You'll find him eventually. I think you have a lot of me in you. I had that same wanderlust, but I found a different way to appease that need. I don't want to say I lived vicariously through you, but it makes me so happy that you've built the life I wanted you to have."

"That's really sweet, Mom. Anything new happening around Forks?"

"Not really. I did run into my old friend Elizabeth the other day. She and her husband are finally selling their house here to move to Seattle full time. I guess they split their time between here and their condo in the city. Their son moved back to Washington and met someone Liz was gushing about."

My stomach bottoms out and I feel hot. "Elizabeth Masen?"

"That would be her. You and her son used to play together when you were toddlers. We fell out of touch back in '89 when she and her husband moved to Port Angeles for awhile. I knew they moved back to Forks in the early 2000s, but we never reconnected."

"I went to high school with Edward. I remember him."

"I didn't even think of that. He just opened a new club somewhere there. It was nice talking about how successful our kids ended up being. We were all different levels of broke way back when, but I think we did alright."

Don't ask, don't ask, don't ask. "So Elizabeth likes his girlfriend?"

"Liz wouldn't shut up about her. I guess the girl is a relative of Edward Junior's friend and they hit it off. Liz was already talking about how pretty her grandkids will be. When you know, you know."

I'm about to power puke almond milk ice cream all over my damn house. "I guess so."

"Your father and I were thinking about making the drive down to Seattle next weekend. Are you free to hang out with us old people?"

"Of course." Because I'm single and no fucking wonder Edward hasn't responded if that bitch he's dating is so special. My God, I'm a shitty feminist. I shouldn't call her a bitch. It's all my fault.

"I feel like we saw you more when you were traveling than we do now that you're back and staying put for once."

"I finally decorated my house. I even have a couch now. A whole living room set." A couch is better for crying on than the lawn chairs I had in my living room the last time my parents visited.

"Alright. Well, I'll talk to your father and call you with details."

"Okay."

"I'll talk to you later, Belly. I love ya."

"Love you too."

I lie down on my kitchen floor and give in to the tears. I don't understand why I'm having so many feelings. I haven't cried so much in years and I don't have the right to be upset. No matter how badly I want to point fingers and blame someone else, I can't. Through my inaction, it was me who ruined everything that could have been. I can placate myself with the idea that this is how things are supposed to be, but it doesn't make me feel better. I wasn't thinking of Edward when I was with other guys and enjoying my time with them. I was living and I was happy and I'm starting to think Seattle has it out for me or something. This is so stupid. I should have stayed gone because being back has done nothing but make me feel like shit.

"See? I think she's bipolar or something."

Startled, I look up and see Rose and Emmett standing in the archway between my living room and kitchen. They're both looking at me like I'm unhinged. I probably am. Before I can think it through, I'm on my feet and poking Emmett's massive chest with my finger. "Make your cousin go back to Tennessee."

"What?"

"Is he happy with her? Like for real?" I think I need to go find one of those wellness centers because I'm having a nervous breakdown. He isn't mine to want.

"This is about Edward, isn't it?"

"I feel like a crazy person. That was a long time ago and I really thought I was over everything. Then his stupid face just had to show up. My mom called me and did you know he and I played together when we were babies? I didn't."

They're both quiet as they look at each other for a few moments. "You really loved him, didn't you?" Rose asks.

I stop cold as I consider her question. Love. I've never loved anyone. I always knew things wouldn't last with every relationship I started. I knew I would eventually leave, so everything was light. Nothing heavy. I never wanted any of them to come with me. All except for one. "If this is what love is, it's horrible. I feel like I'm going to be sick."

"I wasn't aware you and E knew each other until Rose said something. You said they were old friends," he says to Rose accusingly. "Did you guys date or something?"

"I don't know what it was," I say honestly.

"Look, I dig you, Bella, but I can't undermine my cousin. That's fucked up."

"I'm sorry for what I said, Emmett. I just... I don't know. There's history between us. Really old history that feels brand new all the sudden," I say as I rub the tattoo on my wrist.

"What kind of history?"

"The permanent kind." I show him my tattoo that's suddenly more precious to me than ever. "He drew this for me in high school."

Emmett grabs my arm like a savage and gets up close and personal with my wrist. "Holy shit, you're Compass, aren't you? I didn't think you were real."

"What?"

"Did he ever call you that?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Emmett rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms. "No wonder he's been all bitchy lately. Do you have any idea what you did to him back then?"

"No. I left like the asshole I am."

"Edward has the same tattoo. It's just a lot bigger. Why have I never seen this before?"

"I wear a watch most of the time," I offer. "He has this too? Where?"

Emmett laughs and walks around in a circle, looking up at my ceiling. Maybe he's a lunatic too. "It's not my business to share, but I have a feeling shit's about to get really messy."

 **AN: True fact... I have an old picture from the 80s of my father dressed as a member of KISS. Thank you all for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Instead of spending my week wallowing over things I can't change, I threw myself into work and wrote articles like a mad woman. I even made a new header for my personal blog and wrote an entry about embracing the unknown. It felt flimsy once I finished it, but it's quickly becoming one of my most shared and relatable pieces so far according to the responses I'm getting. That's my problem, I'm uncomfortable getting deep because it often feels like my own emotions will swallow me whole.

Desperate not to feel bad, I turned inward and called up one of the girls who writes for my website every so often. She's local and runs a Reiki center in Bellevue. I wanted to know if she had any music suggestions for meditation and the conversation escalated into her having me come to the center to do a chakra cleanse. Maybe Reiki is a hokey placebo effect, but I can't deny that it ended up being a positive, insightful experience. I'm a runner because I'm a control freak. Somewhere along the line, I adopted the idea that I could change my scene and leave people behind if they didn't quite fit in my world. Some may see it as brave, but it's one of my biggest vulnerabilities. In other words, I don't let myself feel things thoroughly. My rule of keeping things light is nothing more than a fragile defense mechanism. Edward, whatever his role is in my life, has always had a knack for catching me off guard. Something about him wakes me up and leaves me wide open and feeling things clear down to my bones.

I'm feeling much better as I walk into Whole Foods with Rose. She's been spending most of her free time with Emmett lately, but we always split the groceries and take advantage of her employee discount. My parents are coming to Seattle tomorrow and I don't want to hear my mother cluck about my barren cabinets.

"Still no word from Edward?"

"Nope."

"You know, I was thinking. Chicks before dicks. You're my number one, Bella. I can nudge her in front of a bus if you want. Make it look like an accident. Emmett would never have to know otherwise."

I burst out laughing, but I cover my mouth to try and hold it in . "That's not funny. In fact, it's punishable by law."

"I'm not laughing," she says as she reaches up to grab some granola from the top shelf.

"You're allowed to like her," I say as I smack her ass because it's right there in front of me. "Regardless of my own shit, it's not like she's out to get me. This isn't a pissing contest."

"I overheard her talking to Emmett. I know we said we wouldn't invade anyone's privacy, but I have no loyalties to her. Apparently, Edward cancelled their weekend plans last minute."

"Really?"

"Yep, which means she's going to be home all weekend. You know what else this means? Emmett's going to be all weird about her overhearing us. I'm a screamer, B, I can't help it. I have my own plans that involve him, some handcuffs, and chocolate body paint that aren't going to happen because her moping ass will be there. She's ruining my sex life and that's just unacceptable."

"My parents and I will be gone most of the day tomorrow. You can have your way with him at our place. I'll even call you when we're on our way back."

"Good deal. I think I like the idea of Charlie catching us though."

"Rose!"

"What? Your dad's hot. I should tell him I've been a bad, bad girl and need to be kept in line."

All I can do is shake my head and giggle as I walk away from her. "You little sicko," I call over my shoulder.

Speaking of my father, I grab some of the guacamole and pita chips he wiped out last time he visited. My parents are staying in a hotel instead of my place which I'm fine with. Last time they stayed, my dad, who gets up at the ass crack of dawn, decided to run to the market and wake me up by frying bacon in my brand new skillet. It took a good week to get the smell of bacon grease out of my kitchen. I think it was his quiet retaliation for me making him eat vegan enchiladas with "meat" made using lentils and walnuts as the base. He hemmed and hawed over it like I was trying to poison him with something healthy. Mom asked for the recipe, but I think she may have been trying to spare my feelings. If nothing else, they try to entertain my mostly plant-based lifestyle. I saw a pig slaughter down in Mexico several years ago and I haven't touched meat since.

Having watched the _Cowspiracy_ documentary this past week, I grudgingly opt for a cashew cream cheese for my beloved everything bagels. I need to get off dairy. It's my last little crux that keeps me from having a completely plant-based diet, so it's now or never. I'm feeling a little salty about this as I head over to the beer aisle to get a few bottles for my dad. If he's buzzed, he'll be less likely to bitch about the black bean burgers I plan to feed him. I stop dead in my tracks when I spot Edward standing several feet away from me perusing the shelves. He looks too good in fitted blue jeans, a white button down, and black Chucks on his feet. He's been wearing the same style of shoes since I've known him.

I feel weird since he hasn't responded to my text, so I slowly start to back away out of the aisle as quietly as possible, hoping he doesn't look at me.

"Hi there! Can I help you find something?"

I close my eyes and grit my teeth before I glare at the employee. I know he's just doing his job, but he could have picked a better time to approach me, not while I'm trying to make a clean getaway. "Nope." I can feel Edward's gaze on the side of my face.

"And what about you, sir? Do you need any help?"

Edward shakes his head and shows him the bottle in his hand. My whistleblower cheerily walks away and I feel like a tool standing here, so I woman-up and grab the beer my dad likes. I'm not talking to Edward first, though. I won't.

"I saw you, you know. I was wondering if you'd get away or back into the display of bottle openers you were headed toward."

"Huh." I'm really glad I didn't.

He turns to face me and it's so hard to look at him in the full light. He has a dusty shadow across his jaw and his lips look so pouty and pink. Damn. "Yeah," he says.

"I didn't think you'd care to see me let alone talk to me. You didn't respond so," I trail off and pick at a piece of fuzz clinging to my shirt.

He pushes his hair back and tugs on it slightly in a way that's so familiar to me. I've seen him do it a million times, but I'm taking nothing for granted now. "I don't hate you, Bella. I don't even dislike you."

"I hope not."

"I just don't know what to say."

"Someone told me not too long ago to say and ask anything."

He smiles a little, but it doesn't look like a happy one. "Why now?"

I shrug. "I didn't know there was a time limit."

He looks me over the same way I'm looking at him. We're unquestionably different, but maybe there's a part of us both that's stuck. A little piece that never moved forward. Our eyes meet and I can't look away even if I wanted to. I want him to see me, to learn who I've become. I want to know him too. I've been as far away from him as a person could get, yet he's never felt so out of reach as he does standing here next to me.

He breaks our gaze first. "You don't... you don't get it."

"Then tell me."

He sighs and grabs another bottle from the shelf. "There's somewhere I have to be. I can't do this right now. I'll call you."

"When?" I ask, but it comes out too quiet and he's already down the aisle, disappearing around the corner.

I'm standing there staring when Rose comes barreling toward me. "Edward's here. He's at the check out."

"I know. We talked."

Her eyes widen. "How was that?"

"Painfully awkward."

"Did he tell you why he hasn't responded to you?"

"Not really. I get it, though. I shot down the opportunity when he offered it. Not to mention he's in a relationship with someone. A real one with a girl who's too nice. I don't know what I'm expecting."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know I have my jokes about her, but I just hated seeing you down."

"It's okay." I hope it is anyway.

"Unrequited love is a bitch. I love Emmett to death, but I can't say I wouldn't talk to Royce if he showed up out of the blue. He's married and has a kid now, but I don't know that I'd be able to not feel something if we crossed paths. I left my whole family and everything I knew back in New York to go to California. It was easier than to watch him love someone else."

"Hey, you got me out of the deal," I say as I bump my hip to hers. We met in San Diego when she was working as a maid in the motel I stayed in for a month. We went out a few times and kept in touch after I took off for Europe. A few years later, I convinced her to visit Washington with me and she ended up staying.

"I did. Emmett, too. I don't know how he puts up with me. I was ready to get married and settle down at eighteen. I don't know why it's such a different story at thirty-one."

"Because back then we didn't know what it's like to lose. For me, at least. Idealism is so crucial to go out and make dreams happen. It's like the gun powder to sustain the spark."

"Yeah, like my career. I always wanted to be in movies, but I also wanted to be a mother. I had it in my head that I couldn't have both. Now I'm getting older and neither have happened. What does that say about me?"

I laugh as we make our way through the check out. "I think we're both having growing pains. Em wants kids, doesn't he?"

She smiles softly. "Yeah, he does."

"So be with him. Fully. Maybe our issue is focusing on what we don't have instead of appreciating what we do."

"Shit. Maybe I need to go get my chakras cleansed too. That's some solid advice."

As I drive down the highway, I make a vow to myself to be more thankful for what I have. I'm in my car on my way to a house I not only love, but was able to buy with my own money. I have a career I built from the ground up that brings me more joy than I ever imagined. I've seen and experienced things other people would kill to. I have family and friends who love me and I love them right back.

Edward is my unknown variable. I think he's always been a part of me in some way and not just because of the compass on my wrist. My mother told me we met when we were babies before his family moved away. Then he came back for awhile and now we've been apart again. Maybe it's a recurring theme for us. I've never truly loved anyone romantically and I've never truly been loved that way in return. Except for him. I've remembered so much lately, things like me loathing when he went to prom with Angela Weber. I knew she really wanted to be there with Ben, but despite that I was jealous of her. At the time, I didn't understand what I was feeling. I don't really now, but I have a much better idea.

No matter what happens with Edward, even if it ends up being nothing as time passes, I think I'll be okay. It's not that I actively _need_ him in my life – I've already proved otherwise – I just really, really _want_ him to be in it. And maybe that makes all the difference. It's about choosing him, without a doubt, again and again, every day. If he'll let me.

 **AN:** **Thank you so much everyone. I was blown away by the response last chapter. I hope you continue to enjoy where I take this story.**

 **I may be a little late posting tomorrow as I have a birthday party to attend. I'll try my best :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: I really hope this isn't riddled with errors.**

 **Chapter Nine**

"Eat it."

"No."

"Dad, just try it."

"No. Is there a McDonald's around here? I never get McDonald's."

I roll my eyes and slide his plate back over to him. "Dad, really? You're acting like a petulant two year old. There are starving people in this world who would love to have this meal. Eat. It."

My mom has the bottom half of her face covered with her napkin. Her shoulders are shaking and she has tears in her eyes from silently laughing at the two of us.

"Mom, tell him to eat it."

"Oh, Belly, you have no idea how this takes me back. You were about two and your dad was trying to get you to eat a can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew. I was sick and it's all he knew how to make. You wanted to go to the diner instead. Whew, did you ever put up a fight."

"Nothing wrong with beef stew," Dad says and I swear he's pouting.

I shudder at the thought of Dinty Moore. Even when I ate meat I hated that crap with its salty gravy and mushy carrots. Aside from the time Mom's referring to, I remember well when Dad made dinner over the years. If it wasn't fish and corn on the cob, it was beef stew and biscuits which were also from a can. The small Pillsbury kind that always seemed to burn on the bottom before the tops finished baking.

"Do you eat beans, Dad?"

"Yeah."

"Do you eat corn?"

"Yeah."

"Onions?"

"Where are you going with this?"

"There's nothing in this burger you don't eat with other things or on their own, so take a damn bite and stop making me feel bad about myself." It's total manipulation, but if he force fed me beef stew way back when, he can at least try a bite of a black bean burger.

I await his response after he takes a bite while glaring at me the whole time. His subsequent shrug and second bite makes me smile. "There's mayonnaise on it," he finally says.

"Vegenaise. The kind in the purple jar. It's my favorite."

"Hm."

"It's not so bad, is it?"

"It's not as good as the real thing."

I laugh and turn back to my own meal. "If you say so. I'm just glad you're eating it."

After dinner, my mom helps me with the dishes as my dad disappears outside. I think he gets antsy being indoors anywhere for too long.

"Where's Rose?"

"She's at Emmett's. They're on again. Hopefully for good."

"That girl sure does go back and forth with him a lot."

"I know," I say as I load the last plate in the dishwasher. "I have a good feeling about this time. I think they're ready to make it work."

"It's too bad they couldn't join us. You'll have to give me the recipe for those burgers."

"Perhaps." She'll probably leave it on the counter.

"I love these things. I had a set when I was a little girl," she says as she picks up my Russian nesting dolls I have on a shelf.

"Rose thinks they're creepy, but I love them too."

"What's creepy is this," she says as she pokes my Kali statue.

"I got that in India. Kali. She looks scary, but she's revered as a protector from evil. It's actually really interesting lore," I say of my multi-armed, tongue-bearing statue.

"Your dad would shit a brick if I brought anything like that home," she says as she heads down the hallway. "I need to use the restroom."

"Okay."

I walk out back to see where my dad went, but he's nowhere to be found. It isn't until I get to the side of my house near the garage that I see a plume of smoke. My mouth drops open and I run over to where it is, catching my dad with a cigarette in his hand.

"I thought you quit."

Dad jumps a little and drops the half-smoked cigarette to the ground. "What?" He shakes his head as smoke billows from his mouth.

"When did you start smoking again?"

"I'm fifty-three years old. I can smoke if I want. And eat cows." He sniffs.

I'm trying not to laugh. "I'm well aware, I just thought you kicked cigarettes for good."

"So did I."

"Why'd you start up again?" I ask as I put it out with my shoe and throw it in the trash.

"Oh, I don't know. Between my tree-hugger daughter and my pot head wife, a man can only take so much stress."

I grin and punch his arm lightly. "I don't hug trees and I seriously doubt Mom's a pot head."

"May as well be. She was naked in the living room reenacting _Flashdance_ ," he whispers.

"That's my fault."

"See? You two are working against me."

"You've handled her for over thirty years. Mom's always been a little eccentric."

"I know. You should see the things she makes on the pottery wheel I bought her. Sometimes I regret buying it when I see all the lopsided vases and I-don't-know-whats around the house. It makes her happy though."

"Yeah, you can't blame me for that one."

"Nope," Dad says as he takes my hand and we walk to the edge of my backyard where the view opens up. He whistles low. "Look at that. I sure am proud of you, kid."

"Thanks, Dad," I say as he hugs me into his side as we watch the sun set on the sound.

I hear my mom calling our names, but she spots us before I can answer. "There you two are. I just got off the phone with the clerk at the hotel. We need to check in soon."

Dad nods. "I thought so. It's costing me enough."

"You guys could have stayed here for the night. There's a pull out couch in my office now. No more air mattresses like last time."

"I'll remember that when we come down again. You're still going to meet up with us for breakfast, right?" Mom asks about the tentative plans we made earlier in the day.

"Of course."

"I'm excited to try the place."

"I promise it has good food," I say of the cafe I suggested that serves food I can eat.

"I trust you. Now come here and give me hugs."

I wave from my front porch as my parents pull away. Every time I have company, my house seems way too quiet once they leave. Rose is usually working, and recently, she's pretty much been swinging by to pack another overnight bag to take to Emmett's. This is why I've been wanting more. I want to be the one to pack overnight bags to go to my boyfriend's house. Love can be an adventure, too, right?

I'd call Riley because he's always good for a night out, but it doesn't feel right despite us being nothing more than friends. He's the male equivalent of me: a native Washingtonian, traveler, blogger, and an all around no strings attached kind of person. We've kept in touch over the years after we met in Costa Rica. He's been confined to his sister's house in Everett for awhile due to a pretty bad knee injury he got hiking Mount Katahdin up in Maine. I told him not to do it in the winter, but what do I know?

Instead, I sign in to my website and look over comments and emails, replying to a few and filtering out the junk. Some people don't seem to care about the _Business Inquiries Only_ tag I put on my email. And what's with this new thing where people call their alleged idols Mom or Dad? It's cool I inspire people, but I'm no one's mother. Or bae. They're mostly coming from younger people who follow my linked Instagram account, but I still find it strange.

I close down my laptop and head into the kitchen to grab the chocolate covered almonds I bought. I've pretty much taxed all the recent releases on my Netflix account due to my new habit of binge-watching while I binge-eat. Catching up on _House of Cards_ sounds like a well enough way to spend a Saturday night. As I curl up on my couch and wait for the app to load on my TV, I grab my bag to dig my phone out.

My heart stops and restarts double time when I see a missed call and voicemail from Edward left three hours ago.

"Fuck!" I yell and spill almonds all over my floor. I don't even care about the mess as I put in my passcode and scramble to call him back.

It rings three times before he answers. "Hello?"

I can barely hear him over the music in the background. "You called?"

"What?"

"I'm returning your call," I say a little louder.

"Hold on a sec," he says and I hear some muffled voices along with a door closing. Wherever he is, it's much quieter. "You there?"

"Yep." I'm perched on the edge of my couch as if this will allow me to hear him better.

"I'm sorry, but I don't have a lot of time. I'm kind of in the middle of a meeting."

"Oh. I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

"No, it's fine. I wouldn't have answered if it was too important. Did you get my message?"

"I haven't listened to it. I saw you called, but I was having dinner with my parents and forgot about my phone for a few hours."

"Ah, that's cool. I was worried because of the way I acted the other day. That you would tell me to fuck off or something."

I'm smiling. This feels easy, much like it used to be. "No. We're weird, Edward. I didn't read your emails for years. A couple weeks and an awkward encounter is nothing compared to that."

He laughs. "There's so much I want to say to you, but nothing comes out. I have no idea where to start."

"Maybe from the beginning?"

"I could probably do that. Shit. Hold on."

I can't quite make out what he's saying to whoever he's talking to. I'm sure he's at Eclipse. "...Yeah, I'll be there in a minute," he says and the music gets quiet again. "Bella?"

"I'm here."

"I hate to do this, but I have to get back out there."

"No, I understand completely."

"Are you busy tomorrow afternoon?"

I should be finished with my parents by then. Dad wants to head back to Forks after breakfast. "No, Sundays are my slow days."

"Mine too. Can I call you around noon?"

"That sounds good. I'm calling you if you don't call me, you know this right?"

He chuckles and I can imagine his smile so clearly it makes my chest hurt. "I'll answer, but I promise I won't leave you hanging."

"Okay."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."

I jump up and do a little jig right here in my living room I'm so giddy. I also cringe when I feel chocolate covered almonds smash into the soles of my feet, some sticking to the fabric of my socks. I take them off and throw them in the laundry room as I grab my broom and dust pan. Once the mess is cleaned up, I grab my phone once more and play his message on speaker. I'm excited when I see it's a long one.

 _"Hey. Um, this is Edward. You probably know that. Unless you didn't save my number. I don't know. Anyway, I told you I'd call and as nervous as it makes me to talk to you, I know very well how hard waiting can be. I'm sorry about the other day. I... you... you scare the hell out of me, Bella. Seeing you there and the way you were going to leave because you thought I hadn't noticed you, it just dredged up old things for me. You,"_ he cuts off his words with a sigh. _"I have to work tonight, so I won't be able to call you back, but I'll try again tomorrow. I hope you answer."_

My breathing is a little shaky as I play his message again just because I can. What about me makes him nervous? Scares him? I'm not particularly intense. I can't lie to myself and say I'm not also wondering why he cancelled plans with his girlfriend. I'm not supposed to know that, but does it have something to do with me or just work stuff? And why and where did he get my tattoo? How am I supposed to figure out where it is when he doesn't know I know about it?

"Stop it, Bella," I say aloud. I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to sleep tonight, let alone get through breakfast with my parents tomorrow with all these questions waiting to be answered.

 **AN: So, he called like he said he would. Some of you were a little sore at him last chapter and others weren't too impressed with Bella. I love how opinionated and open you all are with sharing your thoughts. Thank you for continuing to read and support this little story of mine :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

I run my flat iron through my hair one last time and give myself a once over in the mirror. I only got four hours of sleep, but I'm wide awake and raring to go. Noon can't come quickly enough. It's been sunny the past few days and today is no different as I lock up the door behind me and head for my car with a spring in my step.

I'm wearing my ancient, nearly threadbare Forks High School track and field t-shirt with denim shorts because I woke up feeling nostalgic. I was in track for the first three years of high school, but I was too busy with photography and journalism my senior year to keep up with it. I still ran on the trail along the Sol Duc river in my free time. So did Edward. It became an unspoken thing between us every Saturday morning that last year in Forks. We rarely talked as we ran, but it was nice to be with someone who seemed to understand how peaceful running was to me. It's funny how we could share something like that and still manage to argue throughout the week.

Traffic isn't heavy so early on a Sunday, so I make it to the restaurant with a good fifteen minutes to spare. Dad's massive red Silverado is parked near the entrance along with a few other cars, so I decide to head in. I smile at the hostess and tell her I'm meeting people as I peer around the restaurant. Mom sees me and starts waving me over as Dad and... _Edward_ push two smaller tables together. It all makes sense when I see the woman just behind Mom.

Apparently Mom and Elizabeth Masen's reconnection has turned into an invite for breakfast while my parents are here. With her son in tow. Not that I mind in the slightest bit, I'm just nowhere near prepared.

"Belly, I got a phone call from Elizabeth last night when she saw on my Facebook that we're visiting. You remember her, don't you?"

I look at the woman and it's unnerving how much her son resembles her. I've seen her before, but it's all hitting me now. "Hi, Elizabeth."

"Didn't you grow up to be a lovely woman," Elizabeth says as she hugs me. I'm caught off guard by her immediate warmth, but I hug her back as if it's something I've done a million times.

"Thank you."

"When your mother told me about meeting up with you for breakfast, I suggested we tag along. You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course not."

"Funny thing is that Edward doesn't eat meat either. This worked out perfectly."

I arch a brow and look over to where Edward's standing. He's rubbing the back of his neck and he just shrugs. "That's cool," I say as we all start taking seats and put in our drink orders. I'm totally happy when Edward sits next to me. He smells really good.

"Surely you two remember each other," Elizabeth says beaming over at us. I can already tell she's one of those genuinely kind people.

"Uh, yeah, we had a few classes together," Edward says quietly. Of course, no one but the two of us know that we've done things like have dirty first-timer sex right here in this very city.

"Wonderful. It's like a reunion all the way around," Elizabeth says as her attention turns to my mother. I take the opportunity to talk to Edward.

"Did you know about this?" I ask as quietly as I can.

He shakes his head. "I eat breakfast with my mom every Sunday. Sometimes Dad, but he's usually golfing."

I nod. "So are you a vegetarian or full on plant-based?" I ask in a normal tone.

"Vegetarian. I haven't been able to give up cheese."

I can sympathize with that because the struggle is real. "I hear you. I'm five days dairy free. What made you change?"

"I read an article a few years back that was very convincing," he says as he looks into my eyes. Understanding hits me and I wonder just how long he's been following me online. Since my MySpace days?

"They charge seven bucks for a glass of grass juice? Literal grass," Dad grumbles as he looks over the menu.

"Charlie, you sound like Ed," Elizabeth says.

"The things we do for our children. At least they have eggs here. Free-range, organic eggs from local sources." Dad rolls his eyes.

When we place our meal orders, I'm buoyant that Edward orders the exact same thing as I do. It's the small things that mean the most, I guess. I send a silent thank you to the universe for making today play out the way it is.

"So, Bella, what have you been up to recently? Your mother says you run a website."

I nod as I sip my tea. "It started out with travel blogging and SEO writing to fund my travels, but I've slowly transitioned it into more of a lifestyle website the last couple years. I've since partnered with ad companies thanks to the amount of traffic I get. I know I can't travel full time forever, so I needed the site to become something I could keep up with from one place. It houses everything from vegan recipes and reviews for sustainable products all the way to wellness and spirituality. I wanted it to have something for everyone. There's also a popular message board where members can interact with each other on a bunch of topics."

"I'll have to check it out. It sounds like you're doing well for yourself."

"I am, thankfully. I'm planning to meet with a financial adviser at some point so I can make the right investments to implement a few ideas I've had for awhile, but I'm content where I'm at right now."

"I could help you," Edward blurts out.

"Can you?"

He grins and looks down. "It's what I do. Investing. Building lucrative businesses."

It would give me an excuse to keep talking with him other than wanting his company. "I'd like that."

"Did you remember to bring it?" Mom asks Elizabeth.

"Oh! Yes," she says as she plops her gigantic Coach tote onto the table and starts rummaging through it. "Here it is."

My mom looks at the picture in her hand and laughs. "Those were the days, weren't they?"

"Absolutely. I can't believe it took us so long to start talking again," Elizabeth says.

"Life happens. We didn't have Facebook back then and long distance calls weren't cheap."

"No they weren't. Even after we moved back to Forks, all we did was work, work, work. Do you remember this picture, Charlie?" Elizabeth asks as Mom hands it over to him.

Dad chuckles. "I do. Fourth of July barbecue back in '89. Seemed like the whole neighborhood was there."

"It was like a going away party for you and Ed," Mom says.

"I want to see it," I say and Dad hands me the picture.

There's a lot of people I don't recognize in the picture aside from my parents, Elizabeth, and my grandma Swan who died a few years ago. I'm not sure where it was taken, the little yellow house in the background being unfamiliar. There's Billy's son Jake and his daughter Rachel, and most importantly, me and Edward. I was wearing a blue and white sailor dress and Edward's riotous hair, while a deep auburn now, was bright red. What makes my chest ache is while everyone else was looking toward the camera, Edward and I were looking and smiling at each other. I wasn't even three yet and Edward was barely three himself. Our little hands were pressed together and we looked like two peas in a pod somehow separate from the rest of the group.

"It seems I've always had a soft spot for you," Edward whispers near my ear as he leans in to look the picture over.

Before I do something dumb like start crying, I hand the picture back over to Elizabeth. "Thanks for sharing this."

"I have quite a few. You can come over anytime to go through them with me. I would've brought more of you and Edward, but they're still packed up at the moment. Ed and I recently decided to move to Seattle full time."

"I may have to take you up on that offer." I brush my bangs out of my eyes and smile at her. She's smiling too, until she gets a good look at my wrist. Her eyes narrow, not in a mean way, and I put my hands in my lap.

"That's a nice tattoo, Bella. A compass, is it?" She asks as she looks over to Edward who's studiously staring at his drink.

"Yeah. It was my first." Oh, Edward, Mama knows where your tattoo is, doesn't she?

"When did you get it?"

"Right after high school."

"Hm. Edward has a tattoo as well."

"You wouldn't know it looking at her, but Bella has several. What's yours of, Edward?" Mom asks.

He opens his mouth and makes a weird sound, kind of like a choke as he glares at his mom. Before he can answer, our server shows up with a loaded down tray and the topic of conversation moves in a different direction. I'll definitely be revisiting the topic at some point.

I'm listening to my mom go on and on about how delicious her tofu scramble is when I hear Elizabeth ask Edward about Marcy. It's so hard to listen to two people at once.

"She has somewhere to be," Edward says. I know he's lying thanks to Rose and her big mouth. What does that mean?

"This doesn't have anything to do with you and Bella having the same tattoo, does it?"

"Mom."

"How well do you two know each other?"

"Not now, please? It's private."

I so badly want to turn and look at the two of them to try and get a better read on the situation, but I stop myself as hard as it is. My heart's already hammering away and I'm starting to fidget. I'm brimming with questions and the desire to touch him is so intense, I clench my hands into fists. So much for keeping my cool and acting like an adult in this situation. It's like I'm back in class with my hand raised, knowing the answer, but waiting to be picked.

"Why aren't you eating? Is there something wrong with your food?" Mom asks me.

"No, no, it's good," I say with a quick smile as I pick up my fork. "Everything is fine."

* * *

Conversation stays light throughout the rest of breakfast and Dad announces he and Mom need to hit the road. Elizabeth, while much more subdued than she was earlier, hugs me once more. I'm so aware of the way her eyes keep flitting down to my wrist. I think Edward does, too.

"I'll call you in a bit," he says low as he pats my shoulder.

"I'll answer."

He grins and I can't tear my eyes away from him as he walks to his car and gets in. He even honks twice and waves as he pulls out.

"You going home too?"

I turn to my dad. "Yeah. I'm going to go be lazy in my back yard."

"Sounds good. I'm glad we got to spend some time together. You could always come to Forks every once in awhile."

"I know. Maybe I'll head over before summer ends."

"You're always welcome."

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, kid."

"Go ahead and start the truck. I'm sure it's a sauna in there by now," Mom says as she heads over to me. "I'll be calling you later."

"For what?"

"To find out why you were you making googly eyes at Edward all morning."

I scoff and feel my cheeks warm up. Maybe it's the sun. "No I wasn't."

"I know what I saw. Be careful, Bella." It doesn't matter how old I get, when my mom gives me the look she's giving me now, it makes me feel like a kid again.

"You make it sound like he's dangerous."

"No, but I know how you are."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When you get an idea in your head, you focus on it to the exclusion of all else. Your dad's like that, too. Just mind your heart."

"Mom, it's nothing," I say but neither of us believe me.

"Isabella."

"I will."

"Good. I'll call you when we get home. Love you," she says as she kisses my cheeks.

"Love you too, Mom."

I swing by the gas station to grab a Sunday paper and fill up my gas tank before heading home. Rose is still gone and I don't have any work things to attend to, so I go out back to relax and do the crossword puzzle to pass what little time is left. As I'm filling in the word for forty-eight across – _breathless_ – my phone starts vibrating from my back pocket.

"Hello, Mr. Masen. It's been far too long," I say jokingly.

"Well, Miss Swan, it's better late than never."

 **AN: Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. You've all been amazing. And a special thank you goes out to LayAtHomeMom for recommending this story on The Lemonade Stand :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

I wipe the tears from my eyes and try to control my laughter. "It's not nice to leave your drunk, naked friends locked out of your dorm room. You're merciless."

"Em's penchant for getting plastered and taking his clothes off was not my responsibility," Edward says. "I helped him out plenty of other times, but I had a finance midterm the next morning I was genuinely worried about. I don't know how either of us managed to graduate with all the shit he was constantly pulling."

We've been on the phone for over three hours and I'm nowhere near bored. "Speaking of dicks, I have to ask you something important."

"What's that?"

"Why did you draw a dick on my notebook in ninth grade?"

He groans. "Oh God. Honestly? I was fourteen and incredibly immature. I also thought you were pretty and I couldn't seem to get you to talk to me any other way. You yelling at me was better than nothing."

That's so sweet in a totally juvenile way. "In what universe do dicks and cute Lisa Frank kittens go together?"

"Dicks and pussies, young Bella. Duh. Besides, Newton dared me to."

"Of course Newton had something to do with it. The worst part was I didn't notice it until my dad did. Do you have any idea how deeply scarring that was?"

"No shit?" The sound of him cracking up makes me laugh again too. "I'm sorry. I can imagine how bad that must have been. I bet your dad got the joke right away."

"Probably. I loved that notebook. I wish I knew what he did with that cover after he tore it off. I'd frame it and hang it up in my office."

"I can always draw you another one."

"Aw, you'd do that for me?"

"Of course I would."

"So I take it you still draw?"

"Sometimes. Not often. I'm so busy all the time, meeting with people, overseeing my businesses, traveling. I'm set to go into semi-retirement by thirty-five if I want to though."

"Wow, and I thought I've done well." After paying cash for my house, I've been focused on rebuilding my savings. I'm comfortable, but nowhere near retirement.

"You have. And you did it without a college degree."

"I hated college. I was of the mindset it was something I had to do without question, but I was miserable after my first semester. I only stayed as long as I did so I wouldn't fuck up my financial aid. I'm thankful for those loans though."

"Why is that?"

"I worked all through my freshman year and was able to save most of what I made because I lived off my loans. I wouldn't have had the money to launch had I not gone to school in the first place. Not to mention it was my dorm-mate who hooked me up with a friend of hers who lived down in Mexico. It was the first time I'd ever left the states and it was like the best high ever. I got addicted to the rush and nowhere seemed off limits after that. So yeah, college wasn't a complete bust. Just the going to classes part."

"Yet you still came back to Washington."

"I did."

"I'd given up hope."

And just like that, the lightness of the last few hours whooshes away like smoke. "I wish I hadn't been so stubborn. Maybe then I would have known you were hoping."

"Did you know I opened my first restaurant down in Austin?"

"Did you?"

"Yeah. Then I headed to Vegas and opened a live music bar and grill. Then Brooklyn where I opened my first place that focused on vegetarian and vegan options. Now Eclipse here in Seattle. I just sold my share of the place in Brooklyn, though. It turned out to be a gold mine after the first two years of opening, but I couldn't keep up with the traveling and the guy I partnered with wanted to go in directions I didn't agree with. I'm in talks of selling the place down in Austin as well."

"My first road trip," I say, thinking back to what Marcy said the night I met her. How did I not put it all together? Austin, Las Vegas, and then New York City, but my friends and I spent most of our trip there in dive bars in Brooklyn because no one gave a shit about checking our IDs to see if we were old enough to drink. It was thoroughly documented on my MySpace blog that eventually became a wordpress account that then became my website.

"Yeah. You inspired me. I've never left North America, though."

"Where's your tattoo, Edward?"

"What?"

I can't ask him to trust me if I lie to him. "I know about it. The compass. Em let it slip, but he wasn't trying to blow up your spot or anything."

"It's not like I try to hide it anyway. It covers the left side of my chest."

"When did you get it?"

"When I decided to try and let you go."

I smile, but the tears still come. "How's that working out for you?" I ask shakily.

"It was going alright until you showed up again."

"I'm sorry," I whisper. And I actually mean it.

"I'm not. I was starting to forget things. The sound of your voice. The way your eyebrows shoot up whenever you smile for real. The way you rub your hands together when you're really excited about something. You did it earlier when you were waiting to see that picture. It's a silly little thing, but it was nice to see you still do it."

I'm caught off guard by his openness. "I didn't know how much I missed you until I saw you. Then I read your emails and for the first time ever I questioned everything I've ever done in my adult life."

"No. You needed to go. You're a free spirit, Bella, as cliché as that may sound. Can you honestly say you wouldn't have eventually resented me if things had turned out differently and I'd asked you to stay?"

"You could have gone with me."

"Maybe for a little while, but not for long. I like to stay awhile and build things. Foundations. Businesses. Art. You built what allowed you to fly."

He's so right. "But I want something that sticks."

"Now isn't then. Back then, you didn't want those sticky things," he says with a little chuckle.

"How do you know me so well?"

"I've always paid attention to you, Compass, even when you weren't paying attention to me."

"But," I start to say, but my fear closes my throat.

"But what?"

"Are you happy? With her?" I can't say her name.

"It's been going well. I can't lie and say it hasn't."

I curl up on my couch and hold my stomach that suddenly hurts. "Okay."

"The other day, when I said why now, that's what I've been thinking. It's why I couldn't answer your text. Why now? I met someone, someone I genuinely like. My mother even likes her. It's the first time in years I've allowed myself to think of the future with another person."

Shut up, shut up, shut up. "Well, I guess I really do have shitty timing." I try to keep my voice light, but I don't think it's working.

"Yeah. Or maybe I do. I told myself I'd wait until I turned thirty. Maybe I should have made it thirty-one."

"You do realize she looks like me, don't you?" I don't know why I say it, but I feel compelled to. So much for enlightenment. That was a total low blow.

"I guess I have a type."

But she isn't me. I want to scream it, but I can't. "You also told me I scare you. Why is that?"

"Because I'm sitting here on the phone with you instead of spending the day with my girlfriend like I was supposed to."

"Oh."

He sighs. "This isn't fair to her."

"Probably not. But Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't care that it isn't." Fuck it. Maybe I suck.

"I do."

"When did you guys get together?"

"Since the day after my birthday. We'd been talking for a few weeks before that."

Tomorrow is the first of August, so what? Like a month and a half? "This might make me sound like a jerk, but I really wish you were free."

"Do you?"

"Yeah, I do."

"What if I was?"

"Then you'd be here with me right now instead of just on the phone."

"You sound so sure," his voice sounds deeper, a tone I've heard only once before.

"I am. One hundred percent. Do you keep your word?"

"As much as possible."

"Okay then. You swore to me."

"What did I swear?"

"A next time. You swore you'd try your best."

Edward's gasp is light, but I hear it. I feel it in the warm coiling low in my belly. "I don't know if we should be talking about this," he chokes out.

"We probably shouldn't be. I just know what I want and I'm not sorry for voicing my desires. This is me telling you that yes, I understand you're in a relationship, but should you find yourself not in one, I'll be here."

"For how long?"

"I don't know the future, Edward. No one does. But I do know that staying in one place is no longer an unfathomable concept to me. That's why I bought a house. I want more." _I want you._

We're both quiet for a long stretch. "This won't be easy," Edward finally says.

"The best things never are."

"You don't have to hurt anyone."

I think Edward may be a better person than I ever realized. "You're right, I don't. But I did hurt you and I'm so sorry for that. My timing really is awful and I know what I'm supposed to do, but the idea of backing off and letting you go so easily makes me sick."

"I'm the one with the girlfriend. And here you finally are, stubborn and head strong and a little crazy and a lot beautiful. You're Bella Swan, the girl turned woman I don't know how to get over."

"Maybe you aren't supposed to."

"I'm afraid."

"Why?"

"Because I know what it's like to have you and lose you," he says harshly. "I was never enough for you and now that I'm finally enough for someone else, you pop back up telling me exactly what I've wanted to hear since I was seventeen."

"You don't trust me."

"Not exactly."

"Then I guess you have a decision to make."

"I guess I do. I need to get off here. I've been ignoring incoming calls all afternoon."

"Okay."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Be my friend again before anything else."

Something that feels like hope blooms in my heart. "I think I can manage that."

"Alright. I'll talk to you later."

"Later."

I let my phone drop to the floor as I lie back and stare at my ceiling. Did our conversation go well? I guess it did all things considered. I hate that he may have some resentment toward me and I hate that there's this other person in between us. I'm sure it doesn't help that she isn't some random girl he met, but someone close to one of his best friends. And Elizabeth likes her. He seems to be really close to his mom, so I'd bet money her opinion holds weight in his world.

My phone blips with a familiar sound, so I grab it and take a look. I have two new Facebook notifications, one from three hours ago and one from five minutes ago. Friend requests, the first from Elizabeth and the other from Edward. I'm afraid to see what either of them have posted, but I'm way too nosy not to, so I accept them both.

Of course, I go directly to Edward's and start looking through his pictures. There are a lot of recent pictures at Eclipse with him in fitted suits posing with other important looking people. There's a lot of food pictures, too, showing off things he made himself and things he ordered in his own restaurants. I click on the Hawaii album from this past May and I laugh when the first picture I click on is him drinking some massive fruity cocktail wearing nothing but board shorts and a pair of sunglasses. The second one is similar, but instead of holding the drink, it's just him flipping off the camera and his whole chest is visible.

There it is in the same color as mine, just a lot bigger and bolder. The compass covers his whole left pec. I already know he isn't as skinny as he was the first and only time I saw him naked, but my goodness, did he fill out nicely. I should show Edward's picture to anyone who claims vegans and vegetarians are all malnourished wackadoos.

My eyes zero in on a comment left on the picture in June by none other than Marcy McCarty: _Looking good, E :)_

There are no likes or responses to her comment, so I click on her profile because I've resorted to filthy Facebook stalking. I'm half excited, half horrified to see Marcy posts everything publicly. She's also very out with it all, holding nothing back. Today, she's feeling confused, wondering where this distance is coming from. Friday, she was feeling "disappointed AF" that she wouldn't get to spend time with bae this weekend.

I scream before I laugh. As I keep on scrolling through her page, I find her engagement announcement to her bae Michael as well. I have half a mind to tell her Edward is so much more than bae and shouldn't be called such if Michael was bae too just several short months ago. Better yet, I should like her engagement post.

Now I'm just being petty.

I click over to my timeline and switch it to most recent, seeing my mom just now posted an update about making it home. Underneath is an update from Edward from ten minutes ago, a picture of Shakespeare along with the quote, "The course of true love never did run smooth."

Despite Elizabeth knowing what she knows along with Emmett and Rose, I leave a comment before I chicken out.

 _Good thing you have a compass._

He likes my comment almost immediately.

 **AN: Now we're getting somewhere :)**

 **I'm celebrating my birthday today with my real life Rose (who is my inspiration for any and all Facebook stalking), so tomorrow's update might be a little late.**

 **Thank you for continuing to read this story, and for all the recommendations coming in, like Tarbecca on A Different Forest (thank you!). You all are great.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

"So, Emmett's throwing his cousin a birthday party this weekend," Rose says as we walk through one of my favorite consignment shops.

"That's cool," I say.

"I liked the comment you left on Edward's post."

"I saw." It's only been a few days, but after talking with him, I haven't felt weighted down by the situation like I had been.

"You're such a weirdo. Last week you were all teary-eyed and feeling salty, now you look all calm and smiley. Where's your head at, Swan?"

"What do you think about this?" I ask as I hold up a cream colored dress to me. The hem hits me mid-thigh and the sleeves are long and loose.

"It's cute and very you. Totally looks like something Stevie Nicks would have worn. Will you answer me now?"

I sigh and stick the dress in my little basket. "I don't know. I just feel good. Does Marcy even know what she wants? She was engaged up until she skipped town. That's shitty no matter who you are."

"She's turning twenty-three. What were you doing at twenty-three?"

"Whoever I wanted wherever I wanted. I didn't know she was that young."

"I didn't realize it either. I guess she's going to college over at North Seattle in the fall."

"I hope she does well."

"Yeah, but she's in for a world of hurt."

"Why do you say that?"

Rose rolls her eyes. "She's majoring in business. I'll give you three guesses why."

"How obvious can a girl get?"

"I know. Especially since Edward's been blowing her off."

"Oh." Is it bad to be happy about this?

"She's also been asking me a lot of questions about you since you and Edward became friends on Facebook. I'm supposed to ask you to come to Eclipse Friday for fun, friends, and cake. Which you won't eat anyway. All those eggs and buttercream frosting. But what you _can_ do is wear that dress and come hang out with me."

"How do you know what kind of cake she's getting?"

"Em enlisted my help."

For the first time, I feel a true pang of guilt when I think about Emmett. "He's not going to be my biggest fan if Edward and I end up together any time soon."

"He'll get over it. Besides, Marcy's young. She's kind of annoying in that bubbly, naive sort of way."

"Weren't you just insinuating she may or may not be a gold digger?"

"She's not a gold digger. Just shitty with money. Even I can admit Edward's a hot piece of ass. Who wouldn't want to score with that?"

This is true. "And he's packing."

"For real? I thought you may have been building him up in your head or something."

I press my lips together and shake my head. "No, no building up. No need to build up."

"Like what are we talking? Can I get a show of hands?"

I sit my basket down and place my hands about as far apart as his length before I curl my fingers into a circle to show his girth. Rose's eyes widen. "You poor girl."

"My poor vagina. I didn't have sex again for almost a year."

"I don't blame you."

"Anyhoo, Emmett's throwing this birthday party?"

"Yeah. He wanted to do something nice for her. He's flying her best friend out, too."

"Is Edward helping?"

"No, I am. I told you that."

"Why wouldn't her boyfriend be helping?"

Rose smirks. "We've gone out together twice. Their whole dynamic is weird. She's very compliant and pretty much goes along with whatever Edward says with stars in her eyes."

"Maybe that's refreshing for him."

"You think so?"

She may look a lot like me, but it's clear Marcy is nothing like me. If I'm told to do anything, my whole being rebels and wants to do the opposite. "I was never, as you put it, compliant."

"I'm aware. So what did you guys talk about?"

"Anything. Everything."

"Did you make a move?"

"Of course I did. I pretty much told him if he found himself single, I'd be there."

Rose cackles in that evil way she does. "B, you have to come to the party. Not to like ruin her birthday, but I need you there. She's the one who invited you anyway."

"I'll come. Should I get her a gift?"

"Yeah, a big Edward-sized dildo for all those lonely nights in her future."

I gasp. "You're so mean."

"I am, but you love me anyway. You may strive to live an enlightened life, but I'm only saying what you're thinking."

"You're right."

* * *

"Geez," I say as I collect the mail before Rose and I head inside. "Look at this stack."

"Anything for me? A windfall?"

"No, but there is a credit card offer from Bank of America."

"I'll take that," she says as she plucks it from my hand.

"Weren't you just saying you have too many already?"

"Shut up. We're not all millionaires like you."

"I'm not a millionaire. Just very comfortable."

"If you throw your house in you're not far off."

"What the hell?" There's an important looking envelope addressed to me from Cullen Publishing here in Seattle. They're the largest publisher in the Pacific Northwest.

"Did you submit something?" Rose asks as she peeks over my shoulder.

"No," I say as I carefully open the envelope and read the letter.

 _Dear Miss Swan,_

 _I am contacting you on behalf of Cullen Publishing and the Women Writers of the Pacific Northwest Foundation to cordially invite you to our annual Beaumont retreat being held October 14 through October 17 on Whidbey Island. You have been nominated by Jane Whitmore as a possible guest speaker for our new workshop on women and mindful living where we will also be introducing Cullen Publishing's new imprint, Evelyn, that will focus on relevant non-fiction works for modern women._

 _If you are interested in or would like to discuss this event, please contact me by phone or email on or before Monday, August 22, 2016. I look forward to hearing from you._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Esme Platt-Cullen_

"Holy shit. I've heard about this."

"This is a big deal, B."

"I know. I can't even... Cullen Publishing? I should call Jane."

"Isn't that the lady who published your week in Venice article last year?"

"That would be her. I had no idea she was in cahoots with peeps over at Cullen."

"Aw, I'm so proud of you."

"I didn't do anything. Of all people, why me?"

Rose gives me a stern look. "Bella, really? You haven't worked your ass off all over creation for the last ten years of your life? I've seen comments from people all over the world who tell you how much you've inspired them. How long will it take for you to say, hey, maybe I've proven myself enough to have a valid opinion on the matter? You deserve this."

I nod. "I guess it's hard to fathom because I love what I do. It doesn't feel like work, especially now that I have a couple people who help with the message boards and posting schedule. This is insane."

"I'd get to calling this Esme if I were you. And start writing that speech."

"Oh God. I hate public speaking."

"But you'll be great at it," she says as she checks her phone. "I have to get to work."

"Are you staying with Emmett tonight?"

"I am. I'll need a dose of him after hours of selling granola to freaks like you."

I flip her off before I shoo her out the door. As soon as she pulls out of the driveway, I pull out my phone and text Edward.

 _Are you busy?_

He must not be because my phone starts ringing less than a minute later.

"Hey you."

"What's up?"

"I just got some awesome news."

"Really? Do tell."

I can't contain my smile as I read the letter to him. "This is huge. I have my little corner of the internet and I'm content with that, but getting recognition like this is overwhelming. Even if I tell them no, this is still cool."

"Why would you tell them no?"

I lean against my kitchen counter and tap my fingers against it. "It's control. I've had articles published in magazines before, but that was more like networking to me. Getting exposure. On my own website, everything is at my discretion, even down to the content I choose to host from other people. I'm not talking for anyone else but me and the people who have sought out my content because it's relevant to their lives. This is a little different. What if I screw up or they're not impressed with me?"

Edward starts laughing at me. "Bella, look at it from a different perspective. This is a big company with an even bigger reputation. They're not going to let just anyone come in and start spewing off crap. Believe me when I say they've thoroughly checked you out before sending you a proposal like this. At the end of the day, business is business."

"You would know."

"I'd like to think so. I'd be disappointed if you don't take this opportunity."

"Will you now?"

"Very much."

"I need wine. I feel like I should celebrate."

"Where's your friend?"

"Rose? She's working and going to Emmett's after. I don't know why she's still splitting utility bills with me when she's there all the time."

"I could bring you a bottle or two," he says quietly. "I mean, I have the evening free and I have a whole closet full of wine, but I don't know if you'd be okay with me coming to your house or if you have plans or –"

"Edward," I say loudly.

"Hm?"

"Bring two bottles. And I'd love to know what it's like to have you here."

"I can make that happen on both counts. What would you like?"

"A sweet red and you."

He chuckles. "Okay."

"By the way, I want to see it for myself, not some Facebook picture of it."

"Of what?"

"Our compass. I saw the Hawaii pictures. You know I looked through your stuff as soon as I accepted your friend request."

"And here I thought it would be weird to double tap one of your Instagram pictures from forty weeks ago."

"I have no shame. I'll favorite something from three years ago if I feel like it."

"I don't doubt it. I just left my mom and dad's place, so I have to head up to mine first. How does six sound?"

"Six is good. I'll text you my address."

"Okay. I'll see you soon, Bella."

"See you."

I squeal like a dork as I text him my address before I run upstairs and start my shower. I'm not expecting anything to happen, but I mean, why not be prepared? I'm pretty sure I have some condoms shoved in the wee recesses of my nightstand drawer. I've never had a guy here before. Theo was great and so was his apartment, so I never invited him here. It's strange how some people work so differently than others. For two months Theo and I never even claimed exclusivity with each other, but Edward and Marcy already have a meet-the-parents type of relationship.

But hey, look at me. Regardless of our history, there's something special about Edward. I can't fault other people for seeing it. This territorial thing I've been battling with is definitely new. I want to touch him all over and parade him around town with me hanging off his arm. I want those titles, those commitments. Instead of fearing someone getting too close to me, with Edward I fear more the idea of him never getting close enough.

Can I get anymore flip-floppy?

I wrap my wet hair up in a towel and put on my bathrobe as I head into my closet. Does such an outfit exist that says "casual" and "she wants the D" at the same time? I look in my mirror and open up my bathrobe to take a peek. Yeah, I still got it. I had this fear as a teenager that I'd be a washed up mess by thirty. It was an unfounded fear, but it did help to push me to my limits and accomplish a lot of things in a relatively short amount of time. I have a feeling my thirties will definitely trump my twenties, especially now that I have more than my career to look forward to.

After talking myself out of wearing my bathrobe to the door, I settle on some black yoga pants and a gray tank. Not only is it comfortable, some of my other tattoos on my back peek out and maybe we'll both just have to take our shirts off for the sake of conversation. Ha!

My phone dings with a text from Edward.

 _Do you like curry? – E_

 _I do._

 _I'm bringing dinner. – E_

 _Sounds good to me :)_

I walk around my living room and fluff my couch cushions and light a few candles. A crackling fire and chocolate covered strawberries will just have to wait for another time. I'm getting a little sweaty and jumpy the longer I sit here and think about everything. Is he doing the same thing as me? Freaking out a little? It's probably the reason why he's already a few minutes late.

My phone dings yet again and I scramble to get it. Only the text isn't from Edward, but Rose.

 _OMG, I wish I wasn't at work so I could call you, but your boy is now a single man. Thought you'd wanna know. – RH_

My eyes widen as I read her text again and again. So Edward's newly single and he offered to come hang with me? He didn't sound upset over the phone. I had a feeling this was coming, but I didn't think it would happen this fast after the talk we had. Regardless, I throw a fist pump in the air before I text Rose back.

 _Does this mean I don't have to go to her birthday party?_

 _Haha! I doubt E would mind being cheered up right about now. – RH_

 _Good to know considering he's on his way here. Maybe he'll let me lick his wounds._

I laugh when I read her reply.

 _You whore. I love you. HAVE FUN! - RH_

This news is definitely a game changer.

* * *

 **AN: Hi! Sorry for the wait. Switching internet providers was quite the ordeal. Thank you all for reading :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

"No you didn't."

"I did."

"For real?"

"Really. That's why I was late. The rice took a little longer than I expected."

"Huh," I say as I take another bite of the delicious curry that Edward allegedly made himself. "Where did you learn how to cook like this?"

"With my mom. My parents worked a lot when I was a kid, but we always made and ate dinner together. It was Mom's way of spending time with me in the evenings. I hated going to my sitter's house because it smelled like cat piss and she was kind of mean, but it was only two hours a day between getting off the bus and Mom getting home. I was twelve before my dad convinced my mom I could be home alone for a couple hours."

"Damn. My mom or dad was always home in the evening, sometimes both depending on Dad's schedule. We were that horrible American stereotype that ate dinner in the living room while watching TV."

Edward laughs. "I don't even have cable anymore."

"I don't either. I have Netflix and Hulu. It's weird. On the one hand I had one of those disconnected childhoods where no one had cell phones or the internet, but then around seventeen everyone was starting to get those things."

"I know. We're those scary, lazy Millennials armed with smart phones we're not afraid to use."

"Right? I didn't boomerang back home to my parents though. I'm really lucky I made it through the recession. Things got scary for awhile."

"You're telling me. I was fresh out of college with a business degree. I just had to rethink my business plan. I take less profit and pay my employees well. It's also important to me that I serve locally grown food as much as possible. It's more expensive and I probably could have made a lot more–no, I _know_ I would have made a lot more money –if I'd taken the status quo approach. I'm a huge advocate for livable wages. No one should work their ass off for my company and still not be able to pay their bills."

I'm pretty sure I have stars in my eyes as I stare at him. "You're a man after my own heart."

He blushes and ducks his head. "That's sweet of you."

"I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner."

Edward shrugs and pours himself another Seattle Seahawks mug of wine. I don't have any fancy glasses. "It would have never worked back then. I spent so much time loving the idea of you that the balance would have been off. I needed those disastrous attempts at relationships."

"Disastrous?" My pulse quickens and I hope he tells me about breaking things off with Marcy. I feel kind of bad having a spy for a best friend, but not bad enough to rat her out.

He chuckles. "Yeah. Some of them were pretty bad. I had one girl tell me she was pregnant after a week of dating. I'm not a doctor by any means, but I'm pretty damn certain it doesn't work like that. Especially since I used protection and know for a fact it didn't break."

"Well... that's... something."

"Yeah. Then there was the girl I dated for almost a year over in Brooklyn. Little did I know I was just her cover and her roommate Danielle was really her lover. I wasn't so much mad when I found out, but sad that she felt the need to live a double life like that."

"Was that your longest relationship?"

"No. I started dating someone my second year of college and we parted ways after graduation. She moved back to Anchorage and I went to Austin. I thought it was amicable until I figured out she dumped a can of tuna between my mattress and box spring right before she left."

"Who does that?" I say as I shake my head. "So I take it you're a monogamous, long term relationship kind of guy."

"Definitely what I prefer. What about you?"

"Um... I dated an English guy in a band for five months. That's my longest relationship." I cringe. I think it only worked that long because he was on tour and I may or may not have used him for free transportation and a place to stay while in Europe. We weren't in love by any means. As soon as I had the opportunity to head to South Africa, my bags were packed and I was gone. He's married to some model now anyway. He invited me to his wedding, so I'm certain there were no hard feelings.

"Five months?"

"It's hard to date when you're a tumbleweed blowing in the wind," I say defensively.

"I guess so. I moved around, but they were calculated moves. I fell in love with New York, but it was so damn expensive and the energy drained me after awhile. It was hard to keep up with."

"I know what you mean. It takes a special kind of person to make it there. Especially when you aren't a native."

"Washington isn't so bad. The more I was away, the more I missed it."

"Yeah. It was my launch pad. Once I realized I had more than enough to buy a house, I couldn't think of anywhere else I wanted to buy one other than here. Definitely not Forks, that's a little too far out of the way for me, but Seattle has a special place in my heart. It's grown so much in the last decade."

"It has. Your house is exactly the kind of place I'd want to buy," Edward says.

"Where do you live?"

"I have an apartment in Belltown. I still rent, but I'm looking to buy."

"There's a house down the street for sale. We could be neighbors," I say as I waggle my eyebrows.

He laughs. "That _is_ a good selling point. My mother would love nothing more than for me to buy a house and settle down."

"She added me on Facebook."

"I saw that. She asked me a lot about you today."

"Like what?"

He scoffs and shakes his head. "Why we have the same tattoo. Who you are to me. How long I've been in love with you and what my intentions are with my girlfriend."

"She didn't mince words."

"She never does."

"You stared at me too much. You blew your own cover and only have yourself to blame."

He turns toward me completely and puts one arm on the back of my chair and his other hand rests on the table in front of me. He leans in as close as he can get without touching, nearly nose to nose, and asks, "What are you talking about? I wasn't staring."

His scent is overwhelmingly good and his eyes are just green, green, green, framed in dark lashes. I can feel how big and goofy my smile is, but I can't look away. "Of course not. Never. I wasn't staring either."

"It's like we're back in high school. I thought we grew up?"

I roll my eyes. "Like I'd ever want to grow up."

He's laughing and he's so close my lips actually tingle I want to kiss him so badly. I think he may be feeling it too because after glancing down at my mouth, he kind of shakes his head and turns back to his plate, never losing his grin. "I'm glad I know you, Bella Swan."

"I'm glad you're here with me."

"Me too. There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

As we finish up dinner, I'm not ready for him to leave yet. Besides, we still have another bottle and then some of wine to go. "We should watch a movie," I say.

"What do you want to watch?"

"I don't know. I'm feeling nostalgic. We could always rent _Mean Girls_ on Amazon."

"Oh God. I haven't seen that movie since we saw it in theaters."

"I watch it every so often. I never get tired of it," I say. About a month before graduation, a big group of our friends took a trip to Port Angeles. There were seven of us all together piled into Mike Newton's Suburban as we took off for an afternoon of fun. I think we all knew we wouldn't see much of each other again after we graduated, so there were a lot of outings like that during our last spring in Forks. "Do you still talk to Mike?"

"On Facebook. He'll send me a message every once in awhile. He's back in Forks after taking over his family's store."

"I should add him too. I got the invitation for our ten year reunion, but I couldn't make it."

"It wasn't anything spectacular. A pot luck in the new gym with a few collages of pictures. There weren't that many of us to begin with."

"It would have been nice to see everyone though. We're all getting older."

"Yeah. I can't say I wasn't disappointed you weren't there."

"Were you hoping I would be?"

He shrugs. "A little bit. A lot."

"I thought about it over the years. The reason my plane malfunctioned. You were supposed to be my many firsts. First kiss. First tattoo. First lover." Only love.

"I was your first kiss?"

"Yeah. I was too busy planning my future to worry about boys. I know Mike's party was a drunken disaster, but aren't first kisses supposed to be awkward?"

"Mine wasn't too bad. More than anything, it felt wrong, but it was okay."

"Who was it?"

"A friend of my cousin's."

"Why didn't you just say something to me back then?"

"I was fairly certain you didn't like me."

"I was fairly certain you didn't like me much either."

"Fear stunts us, doesn't it?"

I nod, because that's so true. "I think I have a fear of commitment. I always thought it was Rose, but look at me. My longest relationship wasn't even half a year long and I'll be thirty in less than two weeks. Deflection much?"

"Does it still scare you? The idea of one person, one place, for the long haul?"

As I start the movie, I look over at him and smile. "Not with you."

* * *

The bottles of wine Edward brought are long gone and we're drinking the last two bottles of hard cider I had in my fridge. He's definitely had more than me and I can't help but laugh at him as he stumbles down the stairs after using the bathroom. I'm buzzed, but he's sloshed.

"I don't think I can drive home," Edward says as he stares out my front window. _Mean Girls_ has been over for awhile now, but I think both of us are too afraid to end the night.

"You can always stay."

"Here?"

"Yeah. Come here," I say impulsively as I open my arms. All evening I've ached to touch him and I can't stand to wait any longer.

He kicks his shoes off and ambles over to me. Everything feels right as he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head on my lap. Instinctively, my fingers curl into his hair that's still so thick and soft as I massage his scalp. Everything is quiet and still as I revel in just being with him. No intentions, no scheme, just two people together. I've never felt this kind of contentment before.

"You're so warm," he says sleepily as he nuzzles his cheek into me.

"You're so drunk."

"Didn't mean to. You wanted two of 'em." His words are muffled from speaking into my shirt.

"I know."

"I broke up with her. She cried and I felt bad."

My heart's beating so fast. "Did you?"

"Yeah. You were always there. Couldn't ever find you with anybody else," he says so quietly I barely hear him.

"I'm here now," I whisper.

"Hm."

I know he's asleep as his breathing deepens and evens out. Gently, I scoot away from him only to lie down beside him, thankful for the small things like having a couch large enough for us both. My chest tightens and my eyes sting with tears when Edward's arm moves even in sleep to pull me closer to him. Snuggled in next to him, I experience the same feeling I had when I saw Mt. Everest for the first time. I grew up near mountains, but I knew that's the tallest one I'd ever see. It's the feeling of complete awe and I never dreamed I'd find it on a couch in a simple living room with a boy I've known all along.

 **AN: I have not been blowing this story off, I've been finishing it. Sorry for the wait. Those of you who were worried about this being a WIP, fear not. It's all written now and ready to go aside from some editing. Thank you all for sticking it out with me :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

The first thing I register when I wake up is my leg tucked firmly between Edward's. I'm smiling before my eyes even open all the way as I nudge against him and he grunts a little in response.

 _Hello there, morning wood. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance._

"Are you trying to take advantage of me?" Edward asks with his voice still gravelly from sleep.

"Mm. Only if you let me."

"I can taste how bad my breath smells."

"That's the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me," I say as I snake my hand under his shirt. He has soft fuzz growing in a line from his belly button down and it excites me to see what else has changed about his body over the years.

"You're fucking weird."

I ignore him as my hand keeps going until I reach where I know his tattoo is. "I'll let you have my extra toothbrush in the cabinet if you take your shirt off."

"Damn. You drive a hard bargain, Swan."

"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

In a show of his ninja like reflexes, Edward twists so I'm on top of him and he stills just long enough to smirk at me before he keeps going and leaves me on the couch. I pout my bottom lip as he takes his t-shirt off and lassos it over his head before he throws it at me. I scramble to get it off my face, but he's already running up the stairs to the bathroom, cackling the whole way. I chase after him, but he shuts the door as soon as I reach the top of the stairs.

"Wait, come back," I say as I scratch at the door.

He's laughing as he says, "I have to pee."

"Well pee then."

"Go away. I have stage fright."

"Don't you ever use public bathrooms?"

"This is different."

"Just let it go, Edward." I hear him sigh and turn the faucet on. "You're weak, Masen!"

"Go away!"

I'm chuckling to myself as I go into my master bathroom and do my own business, brushing my teeth while I'm at it. The mascara I put on last night is flaking off around my eyes, so I put my rat's nest of hair up in a bun and wash my face. Walking out of my bathroom, I stop when I see Edward sitting on the edge of my bed looking beautiful as ever shirtless and smiling at me.

"I take it you found the spare toothbrush?"

"I did."

"Are you going to let me kiss you now?"

His brows lift up. "I wasn't aware you were wanting to."

"Oh, I want very much," I say as I push him back and straddle his hips.

"You talk in your sleep," he says as I look down at him.

"What was I saying?"

"I'll tell you someday."

"You don't play fair," I say.

"Not always."

"I like this."

"What part?"

"You in my bed with sleep still in your eyes. Be careful. I could get used to this."

"I think I can too," he says and our eyes lock and our breathing deepens. Neither one of us are inexperienced teenagers anymore and my mind quickly flits through all the ways I want him. On top of me, underneath me, on my tongue, behind me... Fuck. There's so much I want to do, and I know just where to start. I dip down for his lips, but I quickly move down and press my lips over his tattoo that's boldly embedded in his skin just like mine.

"At least we didn't get our names tattooed on each other," I say as I move back up to nudge my nose against his

"I heard that's a curse."

"I don't believe in curses."

"Neither do I."

Edward's hands cup my face and he pulls my lips to his. Warm and soft, our mouths move together. His tongue slides against mine and I grind my hips over his lap feeling how hard he is. He grabs my ass and guides me along, the friction so sweet through the thin material of my yoga pants. I don't know that I've ever been so wet so fast.

I lean up and take my shirt off, feeling like the most desirable woman in the world with the way Edward's dark, hungry eyes take me in. I shiver when his fingers lightly trace over the quill and inkwell on my side before he reaches my breast. With his thumb making tight circles against my nipple, his other hand curls into my hair and pulls my head back just enough to expose my throat. He starts at my collarbone and alternates between kisses and light nips with his teeth before he reaches my mouth.

"Damn, you're good," I say in a breathy voice against his lips.

His smirk is devilish as he moves to scrape his teeth against my earlobe before he says, "If we don't stop now, I'm going to fuck you."

I'm cool with that. "Are you now?"

"Yeah, and I don't know if I can be gentle once I'm inside you."

I'm surprised I'm not drooling from the lust that explodes through my whole middle. "I wouldn't ask you to be."

"Hello?"

Edward and I both go completely still as Rose calls out again, this time my name. I jump off of Edward and slam my bedroom door shut before grabbing my tank top from where it landed on the floor. "I'm in my room," I say loud enough for her to hear.

"There's a mysterious car parked out front and a man's shirt on the couch."

That bitch knows Edward's here, but she just can't help herself. "Hm, imagine that."

"What are you doing, Bella? You guys being horny in there?" She says in a high pitched voice.

"I hate you right now," I say as I fight to keep the smile off my face.

"Do you need me to go get you more condoms? Some lube? Maybe some Gatorade to replenish those bodily fluids you've been swapping?"

Edward starts laughing before I do as I open my bedroom door. Rose is standing there with Edward's t-shirt in her hand and she tosses it at him. "You're a horrible friend," I say.

"Not horrible, just curious. What the fuck? The bed's not even rumpled."

"Because we didn't do anything, you freak."

"Why's your shirt on inside out then?"

I look down and notice the stitching is on the outside. "Because it is. Why are you here?"

"I live here half the time."

"Right."

"I forgot my check book. My car payment is due today. I couldn't help myself when I saw the t-shirt downstairs."

"Yeah. Rose, Edward, you two know each other."

Edward waves from where he sits on the bed and Rose smiles at him sweetly. "How's it going, Mr. Masen?"

"You know, you're as bad as Emmett."

"We're soul mates. What can I say?"

"How about nothing at all," I grumble.

"Where's the fun in that? You guys have a nice afternoon now."

"I'm sure we will," I say as I close my door again. "Sorry about that."

"No, it's nice to see this side of her. She's always been on the quiet side when I've been around her before. I think I understand their relationship better. Emmett doesn't have a mature bone in his body."

"If she's been quiet, it's probably his cousin's fault. I think Rose felt like she'd be disloyal to me in some way if she allowed herself to like her."

"Yeah, well, I don't think that's going to be an issue any longer. Emmett was pretty ticked off when he called me before I came over here and told me she was going back to Tennessee with her friend."

"She's leaving? I thought she was going to college."

Edward gives me the side eye. "How do you know about that?"

"Well, uh, you know Rose talks. She has the biggest mouth of anyone I know."

"I heard that. Love you," Rose yells as she clomps down the stairs to leave.

Edward puts his shirt back on and I sigh. The mood was effectively killed as soon as Rose showed up. "We should go get some lunch. It's already after twelve," Edward says as he looks at the clock on my bedside table.

"That's a great idea. Just let me tame my hair and we'll go."

"I'll meet you downstairs."

* * *

I never thought I'd be into avocado on a bagel until Edward insisted I try it. "I need to learn how to make this avocado spread, whatever is in it." All I know is it's vegan and maybe even more delicious than cream cheese.

"They'd probably tell you if you asked. Unless it's a secret recipe."

"I hate that. Share the love."

"Everyone needs a secret or two."

"Maybe so. Thanks for lunch," I say. He insisted he pay for everything which is fine by me. I'm not too proud to take a free meal.

"Anytime."

"I need to go wash my hands."

"Okay. I'm going to pay the bill, so just meet me up front."

I navigate my way through the crowded restaurant. I've never been here before, but it's definitely going on my list of favorite places. I'm sure my dad will appreciate that it also has carnivorous offerings on the menu next time they're in town and we go out for dinner.

"He's just a guy and you're leaving anyway," I hear a woman say as soon as I walk into the bathroom. It's not a small bathroom, two stalls and a handicap one on the end, but it feels microscopic once I notice who the woman is talking to. I hesitate and think about leaving for the smallest second, but fuck all that. I don't feel like I have anything to be ashamed of or sorry for.

Besides, I'm kind of an asshole, but I'm an asshole with manners, so I smile at Marcy and who I'm assuming is her friend as I turn on the faucet and pump some soap into my hands.

"You just couldn't help yourself could you?" Marcy asks.

I blow out a breath and continue doing my business. "I'm not sure I know what you're talking about," I say, but of course I know exactly what she's referring to. I'm just too old for bathroom confrontations.

"I knew you were a snake as soon as he saw you at Eclipse. You're just like your friend. Using everybody and not caring about anyone's feelings while you do it."

Wow, now that's some shit I just can't let slide. "Why don't you stop right there before you keep spouting off on things you obviously know nothing about."

"Oh, I know plenty. I know I was in a great relationship until you came along. Did you feel like you had a claim on him because you went to high school together? High school was an awfully long time ago for you, wasn't it?" She asks spitefully, making an obvious dig at my age.

"You're right. It was a long time ago, so I'd prefer not to argue in a public bathroom like I would have back then. I guess I've grown up." I know her feelings are hurt, so I don't want to be a total bitch, but I'm not going to let her walk over me.

"Just wait until he leaves you too. I should have known he was too good to be true. I was stupid enough to think he wouldn't play games being a little older. Silly me."

"Look, I know your feelings are hurt, but you _really don't know_ what you're talking about. You're young, so stop acting like your life is over."

"You have a lot of nerve saying that to me. It made me sick to see you two together. I tried to get away but you just had to come in here too," she says with a flourish of her hand like she owns this bathroom or something.

I smile and shake my head. What the fuck is this? "Do you want me to apologize for needing to wash my hands? Will that make you feel better?"

"What would make me feel better is you knowing that no matter what you two do together, I fucked him first," she says slowly and deliberately as if she's going in for the kill.

I try really hard to hold it in, but I just can't do it as laughter bubbles out of me. "Really? I don't care who he's fucked. I've fucked other people too. But as far as you being first, that's just not the case. I was the first out of anyone. He was my first too. I'm sure you recognize this," I say as I flash my tattoo at her. "You can curse me all the way to hell and back, but some things just won't change. Like I said, I know your feelings are hurt and I really don't want to be a bitch, but this whole conversation has been a ridiculous waste of our time. Besides, I'm not the one who gleefully admitted to planning a getaway while my fiancé thought I was planning our wedding. At least Edward broke up with you to your face. That's what adults do. Have a nice life," I say as I leave the two of them standing in the bathroom.

Edward's standing near the front entrance to the restaurant and I grab his hand before pulling him out the door. "Are you okay?" he asks as soon as we get into his car.

"Yep. Your ex was in the bathroom with her friend. She saw us and had a few choice words for me."

He sighs and rubs his hand over his face. "I'm sorry, Bella. Was it bad?"

"Don't be sorry. I'm not. I had a few choice words for her too."

"What did she say?"

I chuckle a little and lean over the center console to get directly in his face. "No matter what you and I do together, she wants me to know that she fucked you first."

Edward's eyes widen and his mouth opens and closes. "I... I don't know how to respond to that."

"You don't have to say anything. Her feelings are hurt and she's lashing out because I'm the horrible other female in her mind. It's a classic case of don't blame the guy, blame the other girl for being available because men are simple creatures who don't know how to say no. I'm honestly not bothered by what she had to say. She's probably more bothered knowing her trump card was voided out after I told her I was the first out of all of them."

"You told her that?"

"Of course I did. I know there isn't any traffic on the high road, but meh. I didn't feel like taking it today."

As soon as we stop at a red light, Edward lifts my hand and kisses my palm. "You're my favorite."

"Then I guess it's a good thing you're my favorite too."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

My phone is ringing with an unfamiliar Seattle number and I almost don't answer it, but then I realize it may be Esme from Cullen Publishing responding to my email. I clear my throat and my voice sounds weirdly high as I answer. "Hello?"

"Bella?"

"This is she."

"Hi, this Elizabeth Masen. I hope you don't mind your mother giving me your number."

My almost-boyfriend's mother calling me is nearly if not as scary than if it would have been Esme. "No, I don't mind. How are you?"

"I'm well. How about yourself?"

Freaking out because I know you grilled Edward about us _._ "I'm alright. Just finishing up an article."

"Is this a bad time?"

"No, I'm working ahead so I have a clear schedule this coming week." _A schedule I'll hopefully fill up with time spent with your son. Clothing optional._

"That's always nice. I looked over your website. You're a very interesting young woman. You remind me a lot of my son."

"Thank you. He's pretty great."

"I think so too. That's actually why I'm calling. I've been sifting through old things and thought you might want to come over for tea and go through them with me. I have quite a few pictures of you two when you were small."

As nervous as I am over the idea of being alone with Elizabeth, I can't pass up the chance to see baby Bella and Edward in action. "I'd love to."

"Are you free this afternoon?"

"I am."

"Great. Do you have a pen and paper so I can give you my address?"

"Yeah, go ahead," I say and type it into my open Word document. "What time should I be there?"

"How does one o'clock sound?"

"Perfect. Would you like me to bring anything?"

"No, I have everything covered. I'll see you soon, Bella."

"You too. Bye."

I set my phone down and palm my forehead. What did I just agree to? What if she ends up hating me? What do I say? Why did she go through my mom to get my number instead of just messaging me through Facebook? Is it an ambush? So many questions! I'm sure I'm freaking out over nothing, though there won't be a buffer if it's just the two of us. Not to mention I'll be in her home. From what I've gathered talking to my mom and Edward, Elizabeth was a fan of Marcy. She seems nice enough and she used to babysit me way back when, but that was nearly thirty years ago.

I don't want to call Edward and take the chance of interrupting him while he's out of town on business. After our night together last week, he's been super busy, having to fly to Nevada. Sunday, I drove him to Sea-Tac and we made out in the parking lot until he absolutely had to go check in for his flight. I almost cried as I watched him walk away with his suitcase rolling behind him. I've never craved someone so desperately the way I do him. It's terrifying in the best of ways and we haven't even had sex yet. Well, not anytime recently. I'm still a little sore at Rose for interrupting us and what could have been the best morning sex I've ever had, but our time will come. Heh.

I back up my half written article on my cloud server, unable to focus on it now that I'm being ridiculous and obsessing over my impending date with Elizabeth. I know she said I didn't have to bring anything, but I decide to head over to the florist near my house and pick out a bouquet of flowers. If my memory serves me correctly, years ago back in Forks, Edward mentioned that his mom had a flower garden. I don't know what to get or what certain flowers mean, but I decide on an elegant display of irises in a square glass jar that are the same color as the cardigan she had with her when we all ate breakfast together.

As soon as I'm back in my car, I put the flowers in the passenger so I can hold onto them while I make my way over to Elizabeth's neighborhood. I didn't exactly think things through when it came to not killing the arrangement while driving. "Shit." I swear I'm hitting every pothole on the way, sloshing some of the water on my passenger seat in the process. I breathe a sigh of relief when my Google Maps app tells me I've arrived at my destination.

I feel like I'm in a fancy hotel when I have to check in at the front desk before I can take the elevator up to Elizabeth's condo. "You got this, Swan," I say aloud to myself as I walk into a small hallway with two doors. One of them opens and I see Elizabeth smiling at me.

"The concierge let me know you were coming up. Come in," she says warmly.

"These are for you," I say as soon as she closes the door behind me.

"How lovely. Did Edward tell you these are my favorite?"

"They are? I had no idea. I just remembered him mentioning back in high school that you had a garden. I didn't want to come empty handed."

"This is thoughtful of you. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Come sit," she says, leading me into the dining area that's really just one big space housing the kitchen and living room.

There are windows everywhere that show off the city and the snowy cap of Mt. Rainier in the distance. Every inch of the square dining table is covered in old books and photo albums with several more stacked in a box on the floor. Elizabeth was obviously very camera happy over the years.

"You really do have a ton of old pictures," I say as we take a seat.

"Photography is what I do. I got a job taking portraits in Port Angeles in the late 80s and it escalated into me taking them for the newspaper. After I won an award in 1995, I started selling my work to magazines as a side job. It was a wonderfully prosperous time. Now most of my photos are on my computer, but I do love physically holding them in my hands."

"I didn't know you're a photographer."

"I've always loved to capture things. I used to do still life paintings in high school and considered getting a degree in fine art, but after my parents bought me my first camera, I fell in love with that more."

"So Edward gets his artistic side from you, I gather."

"That he does. I'd say he's all me, but he has Ed's unfailing kindness and tenacity. That boy holds on strong when he truly believes in something."

"I think I'm figuring that out."

Elizabeth smiles and places a gaudy quilted photo album on the table. My mother has one just like it in blue instead of the burgundy Elizabeth's is. "After we had lunch together, things began to click. You know what foreshadowing is, don't you?"

"Yeah. Clues of what's to come."

"Unfortunately, we usually don't see all the pieces until afterward. Like this, for example," she says as she lifts up the film covering a page of photographs and hands one of them to me.

It's an adorable picture, something you'd see on a kitschy greeting card, but it just makes my chest hurt. There I am with my wispy light brown curls and Edward with his bright red hair standing up all over the place. His little hands are cupping my face and his eyes are closed as he kisses me right on the chin. The part that makes me laugh is how my eyes are popped open wide and my arms are flung straight out, my hands blurry from obvious flailing. "This is so cute. I want a copy of this."

"I'd be more than happy to make you one. Do you see what I mean about foreshadowing? You weren't very happy with him and although he was much bigger than you, you bowled him right over into the mud after I snapped this picture. Here's the other one from that day," she says as she hands me a second photograph.

I'm full out laughing now as I see Edward sitting in a muddy patch smiling up at little me as I point my finger at him with a scowl on my tiny face. It's so very us. "We may have grown up, but some things never change. He drove me nuts in high school. But if I'm being honest, I really liked it."

"Oh yes. I interrogated him the other day when I noticed the striking similarity between your tattoos. Edward had never traveled much, so I asked him why the compass when he got it. He merely said he never wanted to forget where home is. I thought it was sweet, but I see it's much more than that now."

"When did he get it?"

"Gosh, it's been at least ten years. No, I think it was 2005. The summer before his second year of college."

When he decided to try and let me go. He gave it a year and sent me those emails, but I didn't ever respond. Edward is a very attractive man, not only in looks but the way he carries himself with respect and kindness. Some people are just very different. I insisted I couldn't possibly know what I wanted until I experienced enough things to decide while Edward was so damn sure about me from the start. How is that possible?

"I went to college in Austin, Texas for a year before I dropped out and started traveling. Before I left for school, there was a mechanical failure and my flight was delayed until the following afternoon and I ran into Edward by chance. It was one of the best days of my life, the same day I got my tattoo, but crap happened and we didn't talk again until recently. I had no idea he was what I was searching for."

"But the important thing is that now you know. Now you can appreciate what you have. Something new and shiny isn't always better."

"I think I've learned that over the years."

"Did Edward tell you about me and his father filing for divorce?"

My stomach plummets. "What? Like now?"

Elizabeth smiles sadly. "No, it was in January of 2000. We'd both been working so much trying to build the life we dreamed of as teenagers. I've been with Ed since I was sixteen and he was eighteen. My cool older boyfriend with a job at the mill and his own little cabin on the outskirts of town. Stole my heart right out of my chest," she says as she shows me a picture of her and Ed from when they were young. Edward's built just like his father, tall and broad-shouldered, coupled with his mother's looks.

"Anyway, between work and feeling guilty for not spending enough time with our son, we didn't realize we'd also been neglecting each other and our marriage until it all came to a head. We separated and I met someone else and eventually Ed did too. It wasn't long before we filed the paperwork for a divorce. There was so much resentment between us that we weren't talking much outside of pleasantries for Edward's sake. But Edward's fourteenth birthday was coming up and we decided to put our differences aside to plan a party for him. It was the simplest thing, all three of us eating dinner together, something we hadn't done for months, and it just hit me that our family was worth saving. Thankfully, Ed felt the same way and we decided to sell our home in Port Angeles and move back to Forks. It was one of the best decisions we'd ever made."

No wonder Edward spoke so reverently about family meals. "Wow. Thank you for sharing that with me."

"Of course. I thought maybe our separation had damaged Edward in some way. He was old enough to understand what was going on and that I had a boyfriend and his dad had a girlfriend. Maybe our actions made him phobic about commitment. I was admittedly overzealous when he suggested I meet Marcy. I thought he finally decided to get serious about a girl and the part of me that harbored guilt from that rocky time was so relieved. But I see I had it all wrong. I think he was going through the motions and hoping his time would come. Imagine my surprise when there you were and I saw my son smile in a way I've never seen before."

"I want to regret the way things turned out and chalk it up to wasted time, but I can't. It wasn't all a wasted. Just a weird hiatus."

"Most things have a way of working themselves out. There are those who detest the saying that everything happens for a reason, but I've found it to be quite true throughout my life. It may take a few decades for things to click, but they eventually do."

"I think I see what you mean."

"These are for you. Edward told me I could have them, but I don't think they're meant for me," Elizabeth says as she hands me three hardback sketchbooks.

Immediately, I recognize the green one. Edward lugged it around with the rest of his books back in eleventh grade. His initials are drawn on the cover in white out, still visible after all these years. "I remember this one. I watched him draw his name on it during study hall. I never said anything to him, but I used to love to just sit and watch him write. His handwriting was enviable."

"He was a perfectionist, especially when he was learning cursive in grade school. It wasn't long before he could freehand the most beautiful calligraphy."

I smile as I flip open the front cover. There are pages of nature scenes, so realistic even in black and white, from simple flowers to lush landscapes. I knew he was talented, but these are incredible. He could have had a career in art if he wanted. Somewhere toward the middle of the book, things turn away from nature scenes and people become the main focus. Edward is talented enough that I know who these people are. Mike, Jessica, Angela, Ben, Lauren... all of our friends are there. There are a few of his parents and a couple of him alone. I have no idea how he could draw himself so perfectly, but I'm not an artist. My mouth falls open when I keep flipping pages and his focus shifts to just one person in particular. Me.

"Oh my god," I say quietly. There I am the way he would have seen me in biology class, sitting to his right with my hair tucked behind my ear that used to have two piercings. He even drew my favorite silver Claddagh earrings my mom bought me on my sixteenth birthday. I've always thought I was generically pretty, a run of the mill brunette, but through Edward's eyes, I look enigmatic and striking but still like myself. The whole second half of the book is mostly of me sprinkled with a few random things like the full moon shining through the bare branches of trees in the winter. I'd display it if it didn't have a picture of me laughing at the lunch table with a bottle of my favorite Fruitopia in my hand on the backside of the page. Man, I miss that stuff. Minute Maid still makes my favorite Strawberry Passion, but I swear it just doesn't taste the same as it did back then under the Fruitopia label.

Elizabeth pats my hand. "Now you know. Now I know. He left them in his old bedroom back in Forks, but I don't invade my son's privacy without permission. When he told me I was welcome to look, I wasn't sure it was you until I saw you again along with the tattoo."

"Thank you for this," I say as I close the book. I feel like I need to be alone when I go through the others or maybe I'll wait until Edward comes back and he can go through them with me.

"You're more than welcome. Take care with his heart. It's a good one," she says as she squeezes my hand in hers.

"Believe me, I know."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I say as Rose and I pull up to her favorite salon. With my birthday coming up on August 15th, she said this is my present from her and I don't have the heart to tell her I'm attached to my pubic hair. Literally. It grows out of follicles in my skin and ripping it out with hot wax isn't something I've ever done. I mean, I trim the bush so no one encounters the gates of hell down there, but bald vaginas on grown women kind of freak me out.

"You'll be fine. It makes everything more sensitive. I promise, there are pluses to doing this."

"My cooter hasn't been Mr. Clean bald since I was eleven. I'll have an alien vagina," I say as I look between my legs.

"Then leave a landing strip. I just prefer the Brazilian so things grow back evenly."

"A landing strip doesn't sound too bad. Maybe I can style it with some hair gel and walk around knowing I have a punk rock pussy with a little Mohawk in my pants."

"I think you'd have to get your clit pierced for all that."

"Eeep, no thanks."

"You'll love Muriel. She's like the fairy grandmother of waxed vaginas."

"That makes me feel so much better."

The salon is glass, chrome, and slate with a massive bamboo fountain behind the half circle front desk. It doesn't look terrifying, but I'm still nervous. Rose checks us in and we're led to a nice changing area in the back, both of us given fresh black silky robes and generic white flip flops to put on. I wore a maxi dress today, so I have to take it off, but I keep my bra on and feel oddly vulnerable and airy as I prepare to show a complete stranger my most private bits.

"This is strange," I say to Rose as we sit in the waiting area.

"Shut up and try to enjoy yourself. Muriel has been doing this for twenty-five years and has seen it all."

"Bella and Rose?"

I look up and see two women, one probably younger than I am along with a plump older women who's maybe five feet tall, but that may be pushing it. Rose stands to give her a hug. "Hi, Muriel. This is my friend Bella. She's never done this before."

"Oh, I love first timers."

I give her the side-eye. "Do you?"

"There's nothing to be afraid of. It's never as bad as you think it may be," she says as she leads me into a room with a scary looking table.

I awkwardly stand and take everything in. It's like a clean, impeccably styled, upscale salon version of a torture chamber with soft music and ambient lighting. "Um, I don't want it all gone. I don't know what Rose has me down for, but I don't want to be bald."

"Perfectly understandable," she says as she pulls out a chart with drawings of different pubic hair styles on it. My goodness, some people take this shit seriously. There's even a heart shape! "Which would you like?"

"The strip style I guess?" As long as there's a strip, I'll be okay. Keep a little tuft of my womanhood.

"Wonderful. Go ahead and lie back on the table with your knees up and legs parted."

I take a deep breath and get on the table, letting it all out. I used to go skinny dipping like it was nothing in my early twenties. I don't know why I'm nervous about this woman seeing my bits. Probably because she has to touch it, even if it is through gloves and a popsicle stick. I jolt a little when the wax touches my skin, not hot like I feared it would be, but pleasantly warm.

"So Rose says you've been doing this for twenty-five years," I say really fast because it's too quiet.

"I have. Love that girl. She's a hoot. I was surprised to see she made her appointment with Stacey."

"This is my thirtieth birthday present from her. She says you're the best."

"Well that's nice of her. I started out in New York before my husband and I moved here when he took a job with Boeing," she says as she presses a strip over my skin. "Take a deep breath and breathe out slowly for me."

I do as she asks and once I'm releasing my breath, she rips the strip off quickly. My whole face scrunches up as the sting hits me. It's not the worst pain I've endured – I have tattoos after all – but it's not exactly a walk in the park.

"Beautiful. I don't even have to go over it again," she says with a smile I can't return right now. "Tilt your hips up for me."

The process was relatively quick, but my vagina feels ravaged and bruised as I make my way to the dressing room with a fancy bottle of serum and instructions to use it once a day to prevent ingrown hairs. Everything is red and slightly swollen, but I'm happy to see she left an inch wide strip right down the middle.

"Bella, are you in here?"

"Yes."

Rose pushes the curtain aside and walks into my little dressing room. She looks disappointed that I already have my dress back on. I put my panties in my purse though. I don't think I can stand the friction at the moment. "How's the kitty?" she asks.

"The kitty is hurt. The kitty is angry. The kitty is hissing."

"Got it. You'll thank me tomorrow when everything is settled."

"It feels kind of raw. I'm glad Edward doesn't have a beard."

"I thought you haven't slept together yet?"

"We haven't, but I want to change that as soon as possible." He was so tired when I picked him up from the airport yesterday, he was practically falling asleep during dinner. I felt bad for him and didn't even go up to his apartment when I dropped him off. He offered, but I knew he would have fought to stay awake if I had when he was clearly in no shape to do so.

"I still can't believe Marcy mouthed off to you in public. That's so tacky."

"It wasn't exactly public, but I'm just glad everything is over with."

"I wish I would have been there."

"I don't. Violence is never the answer," I say with a smirk.

"So you claim."

"Hurry up and get dressed. I'm starving," I say.

As we finish up a pizza at one of my favorite little spots, I notice how oddly quiet Rose has become, randomly fiddling with her phone which is unlike her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you having fun?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess so. You've been quiet since we left the salon."

She sighs and rests her chin in her palm. "Emmett and I have been talking."

"Oh, you're texting him?"

"No. I mean we've been talking in general about stuff. Important stuff."

"Okay. What's up?"

"Well, you know Marcy left like a bat out of hell after Edward broke it off with her."

"Yeah. Good riddance, I say."

"Same. But now that she's gone, I no longer have an excuse to not move in with Em full time. I know we haven't been back together for long, but it's like we never left off. He's it for me."

"So move in with him."

"You wouldn't be upset about that?"

What the hell? "Why would I be mad about that?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm just nervous. He straight up told me last night to let him know when I'm ready to get this show on the road so he can buy me a ring."

"And you're hesitating why?"

"You know that feeling when everything is going so perfectly you're just certain the other shoe is about to drop?"

"An irrational feeling. I try not to give in when it happens. Life isn't a cakewalk, but Em obviously loves you. He wouldn't be so ready to take that next step if he was going to bail."

"I know. It was always me who did the bailing anyway."

"You just said he's it for you. You should start packing and tell him to start picking out a ring. Princess cut set in platinum," I say, knowing exactly what she would want after hearing her talk about it all these years.

"Rosalie McCarty. Rose McCarty. Do either of those sound stupid?"

I laugh at her. "I think they sound just fine."

"Bella Masen. How about that?"

"It sounds better with Isabella. But Edward and I are nowhere near ready to have such a discussion. We're not even together technically. Neither of us has asked the other."

"Well get on it. What are you waiting for?"

"I have no idea."

She leans back in her chair and pats her stomach. "I should have gone to college. Emmett has a career and I have a paltry modeling and acting portfolio."

Huh. "Never underestimate the power a discount at Whole Foods brings to the relationship."

She sticks her tongue out at me. "Seriously though. What do I have to offer?"

"I never realized you felt insecure about that. What if the tables were turned and you were the one who had more money than him. Would you love him less?"

"Of course not."

"Then stop. You aren't broke by any means."

"But I'm not set up either."

"So what? Google it. People our age more often than not have debt. It's so common it's become a way of life to have student loan debt. You and I are the weirdos who don't. Besides, you have a shit ton of Instagram followers. It's not that hard to capitalize on it. Gaining a following is half the battle. Start doing makeup tutorials on YouTube in your spare time. Em's in marketing. I'm sure he'll help you out."

"I do love makeup."

"And I bet you two could start vlogging together. You're both funny and good looking. I'm sure there's an audience out there."

Rose blinks at me as if she's seeing me for the first time. "Why have you never given me this idea before? I could literally make my own show instead of waiting to be cast in someone else's."

"I don't know. I guess the thought never occurred to me. The video content on my website is usually of other people talking about spiritual and naturalist stuff."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"I don't know. Making me feel hopeful or something."

I shrug and smile. "That's what friends do, right?"

"Yeah."

"So just talk to him. About all the things. Move in with him. Build the life you deserve and stop worrying. Nothing can end if you never start to begin with. And that's just sad."

"You're right. I'm really lucky to have him," she says softly.

"He's lucky to have you too."

* * *

Though I know he's probably working, I call Edward when I get home.

"I was just thinking about you," he says as soon as he answers.

"Good. You've been on my mind all day."

"This makes me happy. Sorry about last night. Vegas was crazy and not in the good way."

"It's fine. I could see how tired you were. Did you get some sleep?"

"Ten hours. I showered and crawled into bed and was in the exact same spot when I woke up. I think I may need to get my neck cracked."

"I love going to the chiropractor. Are you at work?"

"I am. Going over the books in my office."

"I can call you back later or tomorrow if you'd prefer."

"No that's fine. I was going to call you anyway, but a little birdie told me she had dibs on you this afternoon."

"Ha. Rose is possessive when she wants to be. I didn't know you two talk."

"I had a question to ask her pertaining to you. Are you free this weekend?"

"I am."

"Would you be opposed to going away with me over night somewhere?"

Um, no, not at all. "I like going places. What should I pack?"

"Comfortable stuff. Casual. Normal Forks attire."

"You want to take me to Forks?"

"Yeah. There's something I want to do for your birthday. I've been planning and was going to surprise you with everything if you agreed to come, but I can't exactly drive you to Forks without you knowing where we're going."

"And what's this surprise in Forks?" I ask with the biggest smile on my face. No one has ever really gone out of their way to plan a surprise for me. Birthdays haven't meant much to me in my adult life and growing up, Mom would bake me a box cake and take me shopping in Port Angeles.

"Now that's the surprise part of the surprise. You only get to know that it's in Forks."

I scoff and hang up my phone before I call him right back using FaceTime so I can see him.

"Yes?" he says once we're connected. He looks so cute with his eyebrows raised and a lopsided grin on his lips.

"What could you possibly surprise me with in Forks? There's not a whole lot to do there unless we're going on a nature adventure."

"Oh, you got me. I've always wanted to go on a hike with you."

"Really?"

He's shaking his head and chuckling. "No. It's nothing crazy and it isn't outdoors. In fact, your parents will be there. My mother even helped me."

"Did she know about this when I went over there a couple days ago?"

"Yep."

"She mentioned nothing."

"I told her not to."

"Are you wearing a suit?" I ask.

"I am."

"Pan out. Let me see."

He rolls his eyes and lifts his arm up so I can get a better look. It's a black suit with a crisp white shirt, but he has Chuck Taylors on his feet. He looks delicious. "You're so hot."

"I feel objectified."

"I'll show you my boobs if you show me your cock."

Everything in the screen goes blurry as Edward drops his phone. "Shit," I hear him say as he plucks the phone from what I think is a trash can beside his desk.

"Did you just throw me in the trash?" I ask playfully.

"Technically, but I didn't mean to."

"Was it the word cock? Is that too much?"

"No."

"How do you feel about the word pussy? Or do you prefer something else? Calling them penis and vagina just aren't sexy when you're getting busy."

"I'm fine with pussy, Bella. To be honest, I've been thinking about being inside your pussy all week."

I think I really love this side of Edward. "You know, you could have been this forward when we had sex last time."

"I was a virgin on the verge of having a panic attack!"

"It's not like I had a clue either. I almost burped in your face that night."

He looks me in the eye through the phone. "What?"

"I did. You must have knocked it loose when you were all up in my business rearranging my uterus. The last thing I wanted to do was belch in your face."

"You should have. I felt like I was lacking."

I look at him incredulously. "Excuse me? I think you could stand to lack. You have a few inches to spare in both length and circumference."

Edward snickers. "It's not my dick I was referring to. You were like this mythical being in my mind and I was worried I wouldn't be enough for you."

I look at him softly and wish he was physically here so I could hug him. "I'm just an ordinary human."

"I know that now. We were inexperienced kids in more ways than one."

"Yeah. Now is better than never though."

"It sure is."

"Yo, Eddie, you in here?" Some guy says and Edward looks up from his phone.

"Yeah, just give me a sec," he says before turning back to look at me. "I have to go."

"I see. And hear. I love technology. When should I be ready tomorrow?"

"I'll pick you up around noon. That should give us plenty of time to get there by six."

"Okay. Enjoy your night."

"I'll try my best. I'll see you tomorrow, Compass," he says with a smile before he ends our connection.

I dance like a dork all the way up the stairs to my bedroom as I grab my overnight bag and start to pack. I don't know what we're going to do in Forks, but I'm way too excited to find out.


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: This chapter is nearly three times longer than what I've been posting, but there wasn't a place to split it up.**

* * *

 **Chapter Seventeen**

"It's such a beautiful day," I say as we pull up to a coffee stand in Port Gamble, an idyllic little town halfway between Seattle and Forks that Edward said he discovered during his trips home while he was in college.

"I know. I couldn't have asked for better weather. Do you want anything?" Edward asks as we wait for the car ahead of us to finish up.

"Um, a strawberry Italian soda sounds good," I say as I look over the menu.

"I need caffeine. I stayed up later than I intended to last night," he says before greeting the barista. "Yeah, I need a medium strawberry Italian soda without the half and half and a medium double shot mocha latte."

While the girl is making our drinks, I grab Edward's hand with mine and twine our fingers together. "Thank you for remembering."

"What?"

"That I'm trying to steer clear of dairy. You're way too good at being thoughtful. I'm going to get wrinkles from all the smiling I've been doing."

He lifts up our hands and kisses my fingertips. "How could I not want to make you smile as often as possible? It's one of the best sights I've ever seen in my lifetime."

"You smooth motherfucker," I say as I take a shaky breath before I lunge at him for a kiss. I even take my seatbelt off to make it a good one. I'm getting as good as I'm giving and we don't pull apart until the girl at the window clears her throat and chuckles at us.

"Sorry," Edward says as he hands her his credit card.

Instead of turning around to head back on the highway, Edward drives through the little town as we sip our drinks. "It's so cute. Look at that church! It's like one of those towns you see in movies that don't actually exist."

"Wait until you see the general store," he says as we drive past the water tower.

"If I didn't know how bored I would eventually get, I'd want to move here. Maybe I can shift some things around and get a summer house," I say, day dreaming out loud.

"I could probably make that happen, you know."

"Is it rude to ask your net worth?"

"Maybe I'll tell you someday. Just know that we won't have anything to worry about."

He's been referring to us as "we" all morning and it isn't scary, but exhilarating and right. "I have my own stuff to bring to the table."

"I know you do."

I sing along with Edward's iPhone he has connected to the stereo and fly my hand against the wind as we make our way toward Sequim with its lavender gardens and on to the bustling little city of Port Angeles. Hurricane Ridge looms over the city and everything is colored with nostalgia each time I come back. It really wasn't so bad to grow up around here, especially not with the late afternoon views of the crystal clear waters of Lake Crescent we pass by as we get closer and closer to Forks.

"I used to drive up here in my mom's car when I wanted to get out of Forks. It was always empty in the early spring time before the hikers would start coming down and I'd stare at the mountains and water dreaming about everywhere I wanted to go. Now that I've done what I wanted to and have a little perspective, I can appreciate it. Maybe I should get a summer house in Forks instead of Port Gamble," I say with a laugh.

"I feel the same way about it. I've entertained the idea of secretly buying my mom and dad's place, keeping things under wraps until it's too late for them to give it to me. They deserve that money. It's a beautiful house that backs up to the Sol Duc. You can practically catch the trout and salmon with your bare hands during the season."

"Yeah. I remember how mysterious your house was. It seemed like no one ever went to it."

"I had people over sometimes, but I always wanted to be in town with everyone else. The trail we used to run on was right by my house, so you were closer than you thought. It was a no-brainer when I overheard you telling Jess when and where you ran. If you got mad at me for showing up, I had a solid excuse for being there."

"Check you out being all sly. It's weird we never talked while we ran."

"In my teenage brain, that was our thing. I didn't want to ruin it by chancing an argument."

"Maybe it was the same for me. I think I've always kind of liked you. Secretly, of course."

Crossing over the bridges into our hometown, I'm oddly excited to be back here with Edward. A few things have changed over the years, a few new businesses lining the main strip, but other than that, everything is pretty much the way it has been. Oh, and the new high school. It's saddening to know those halls Edward and I roamed are no longer around, having been demolished several years ago. Out with the old and in with the new, I guess.

One thing definitely hasn't changed and that's the Pacific Inn Motel that Edward pulls into. "Hm, a motel room? I get my own room, right?"

Edward's head whips toward me. "Do you want your own room?"

I can't make him sweat for long. "I'll kick your ass if you get us separate rooms. Make it a single bed while you're at it," I say nonchalantly.

"I can do that," he says before kissing my cheek.

I stay in the car while he goes into the lobby to pay for our room. I have no idea what his plans are, but I have some of my own and they involve both of our genitals. I found some unexpired condoms I had and threw them in my purse just in case. My period is supposed to start next Tuesday, so I want to make the most of this weekend. Hopefully it doesn't decide to override my birth control and show up a few days ahead of schedule. I think I might cry if it does.

"Well, the only rooms they have available all have two beds, but we only have to use one," Edward says as he pulls a lever near the driver seat to pop the trunk. "Are you ready?"

"I am," I say as I get out and grab my bag.

The room is simple enough with a small dining table, two beds, a television, and a sink and counter once again outside of the bathroom. It's eerily similar to the last hotel room we were in back in 2004. "Oh heck yes," I say when I see the massive shower stall with the detachable shower head. Hopefully the water pressure is as awesome as it seems to be everywhere else I've showered in this town.

"It's big enough for two, you know," Edward says quietly.

"I was just thinking the same thing."

I turn to look at him and gently push back the piece of hair falling over his forehead. "Do we have to be somewhere? Because I want you. All this waiting is starting to piss me off."

His eyes darken and he grins, pulling me into his arms before he sits us on the bed. "Unfortunately, yes, but tonight, when we've finished, you're all mine."

"And you're mine."

"I think I've always been yours in some way."

"I like the sound of that. I may have to keep you."

"I'd want you to," he says as he kisses up my neck and places a gentle peck to my lips.

"How did you draw me sleeping in a bed back in 2003?"

"What?"

"I told you your mom gave me your sketchbooks. There's one dated for 2003 that has me sleeping in a bed I'm assuming was yours."

"I have a big imagination. You fell asleep in study hall once using your backpack as a pillow and I wondered what you'd look like sleeping next to me. I just took that memory and swapped out the backpack with one of my pillows."

"You made me look so beautiful."

"Because you are beautiful. This little freckle here drove me nuts when we were in high school. I don't know why, but I'd fantasize about kissing it," he says as he places his lips on my little freckle just below my right eye near my cheekbone. "Now I can."

"You can kiss me anywhere you want to."

"Good to know."

After brushing my hair and teeth and changing into a fresh shirt, Edward takes my hand and we walk outside. I start to head toward his car, but he shakes his head and leads me out of the parking lot. "We're walking?"

"We are. The nice thing about being in town is that nowhere is far," he says as we walk down the road.

"Do you plan on getting me drunk or something?"

"Nope. I figured you wouldn't mind a little walk after being in the car for four hours."

"I think I know where we're going." There aren't many places down this way besides the Thriftway, Newton's Outfitters, and Pacific Pizza.

"After we talked about the ten year reunion, I got an idea. You see, a few of our friends back in the day either never left or came back after college. They were more than happy to have something to do tonight."

My excitement builds the nearer we get to Pacific Pizza. I notice my dad's truck in the parking lot along with another monstrosity. "Mike's Suburban still runs?"

"It would seem so."

Before we walk through the door of the old pizza shop filled with so many memories and old friends, I throw my arms around Edward's neck and hug him tight. "Thank you."

He hugs me back just as tight. Ugh, it feels so good to be held by this man. "You're welcome."

There are balloons everywhere and both of my parents are here along with Mike, Jessica, Lauren, Angela, Ben, and a few kids. It's like there isn't a twelve year gap between the last time I saw them all and now as everyone smiles and stands up to welcome me back with open arms. I've been back a few times over the years, but it was usually for Christmas and I barely left my parents house before I was taking off again. It feels so good to see everyone.

"You look amazing, Bella," Lauren says as she hugs me. "It's nice to see you finally gave Masen the time of day."

"Yes it is. You look good too."

She rolls her eyes and smiles. "I have three kids and could never quite lose the twenty pounds after my last one, but thanks for the compliment."

Lauren has always been tall and rail thin, so I don't see the twenty pounds she's talking about. "No really. You look great. Are these your little ones?"

"Yeah," she says with the softest smile as she looks over her kids coloring on the activity place mats. "The eldest is my boy TJ, Tyler Junior. He's ten. Then there's Michelle, she's six. Then my Gracie. She just turned three."

"They're beautiful. So Tyler?"

"Yeah I know. He's TJ's and Michelle's father, but we split when Michelle was a year old. Gracie is my fiance's daughter. Tyler's a good dad, just not a very good boyfriend."

"That's too bad."

"Shi – stuff happens," she says catching herself on the swear word. "I think I like him better now than I did when we were together."

I don't really know what else to say between me being childless and less than stellar at relationships myself. Thankfully, my mom comes to the rescue. "I'm tickled to death to see you again so soon. You can imagine my surprise when Edward called me and told me his plan."

"Yeah, he definitely surprised me."

"So are the two of you together now?" She asks quietly as she pulls me over toward my dad. I give him a quick hug before I answer my mom.

"We're talking."

"This is like a fairytale. I always prayed you'd find someone and he's been right under your nose this whole time."

"I wouldn't say all that, but yeah, Edward's great. Now that there's no one else to consider, maybe we can make it work."

"I was wondering about that. Liz was just going on and on about his girlfriend and the next thing I knew she was calling me for your number so she could get to know the love of her son's life better."

Love of his life? I'd bet money Elizabeth called my mom under the guise of getting my number just so the two of them could chat about Edward and me. "You're nuts. I love you."

"I love you too."

We all settle in for food and conversation. Edward and I load up at the salad bar and I won't lie, part of me desperately wants a slice of the cheese pizza Lauren's kids are eating, but I don't give in. Edward does and he just smiles when I give him my best, meanest stink eye.

"So you don't eat anything at all that comes from animals?" Angela asks.

"Nope. I'm completely plant based, though I just recently stopped eating dairy."

"And you get everything you need?"

"I take a couple supplements every day, like B-12. There's definitely a lot of thought that goes into it, but I'm happy with my choices."

"Good for you. I read a story about a local woman who eats vegan during the warmer months and thought about giving it a try. My mother was diagnosed with Celiac after years of stomach problems, so that got me looking into alternative diets for myself. It's the researcher in me."

"I remember. Did you get your dream job?"

"Yes. I now run the library here in town. Ben just finished his residency up in Port Angeles earlier this year and he's taking a position over at Forks General. It's like we can finally take a breath before we start a family," she says with a grin and sparkling eyes trained on her husband.

Gosh, it seems like everyone is settling down and having kids. Do I even want a family? I look at Edward who's talking to Mike and my dad and let myself wonder for just a moment what it would be like to be married to him and have a kid or two. Of course, my anxiety kicks into high gear and I take a deep breath before getting those thoughts right out of my head. We're not even official, but something about this turn of events feels permanent. This isn't something to be left behind in a few months when I inevitably get bored. I don't see myself ever tiring of Edward.

"So, Bella-rina, how have you been?" Mike asks me. "Long time no see."

"I haven't been around much. Just traveling and working."

"Yeah, Jess follows your website. It's... interesting."

I smile wryly because most people who have known me for years say it's "interesting" in a polite way whenever it comes up. "Interesting is better than boring. That's my goal. Engaging content."

"I love it. You're so worldly," Jess says sweetly. She's always been genuinely nice, rarely having anything bad to say about anyone. Mike's kind of the same way. I can see how they ended up together for the long haul.

"I wouldn't say worldly. I was just born curious."

"In that case, I hope our little one is curious too," Jess says as she pats her stomach.

"You're having a baby?" The fuck? Marriage and babies. They're catching like wildfire everywhere in my life. Next thing I know it'll be Rose and Emmett. They're already headed in that direction.

Jess giggles and her cheeks flush. "Yes. I'm due in early March."

"Aw, Jess, congratulations," I say, genuinely meaning it despite my inner thoughts.

"I had a hand in this too," Mike says as he kisses Jess' cheek.

"Just a hand?" I ask with a raised brow and all the adults at the table laugh as Mike blushes.

"You know what I mean," he says.

There's something life affirming about seeing everyone and knowing we're all doing just fine as the evening turns into picture-taking and Facebook adds with promises to keep in touch. They don't feel like empty promises forgotten as soon as we go back to the grind of our daily lives. I missed these people more than I realized. I had no idea how important it is to have a few friends who knew me when I was young, people who I have history with. Rose is my number one always, but I truly missed Lauren, Angela, and Jess as well as Mike and his never-ending line of stupid jokes. I was never close to Ben, but even his quiet presence was welcome. Edward outdid himself giving me something for my birthday I truly cherish.

"Call me when you get home," Mom says as she hugs me tight.

"I will. You say that every time we see each other."

"Maybe someday we won't live so far apart."

My heart clenches and I feel emotional all the sudden. "Maybe," I say thickly.

"I can't believe my baby is almost thirty. Where did the time go?"

"Away. Even now the seconds are flying by."

"I love you, Belly."

"I love you too, Ma."

After I hug and say bye to my dad, Edward and I walk hand in hand back toward the motel. "Did you have a good time?" he asks.

"Yes. More than I can possibly tell you. Thank you."

"Always."

"How did you do it? Pick something so perfect for me?"

He shrugs. "You've never seemed to care for things. Stuff. But you do like experiences. Just look at your life. I didn't want to get you a thing you could put on a shelf, but a moment you could look back on."

"I don't know that I deserve you," I say as he unlocks the door to our room.

He pulls me inside and shuts the door behind us before he presses me against it with his body. I giggle as he nuzzles his face into the side of my neck. "Oh, I think you deserve me."

I'm just so fucking happy right now I can't contain it. "You're right," I say stepping away from him. "You said tonight. It's tonight."

"So it is." He brings my hand up to his mouth to brush his lips across my knuckles.

I think he's going to make the first move, but it's like he's frozen in place holding my hand in his. Unlike the morning in my bedroom where things happened naturally, there's expectation this time, knowing there isn't anything other than ourselves stopping us. And to be honest, I've never been very good with waiting. If he needs me to go first, so be it. I take charge and lift off my t-shirt, letting it fall to the floor. Showing a little skin works like a charm and his eyes travel down to my chest just like I wanted them to. I give my shoulders a little shimmy to make my boobs sway and to lighten some of the intensity of the moment. "Like what you see?"

He chuckles. "Very much," he says as he sits down in one of the chairs at the table. "Come here."

I kick off my sandals and take off my shorts, finding it arousing the way he's watching me undress before I take the few steps to stand in front of him. His hands glide over my outer thighs as he places an open-mouth kiss just below my navel. "It's hard to pick a place to start."

"Anywhere you want," I say as I place my hands over his, guiding them up and over my breasts and back down to my hips.

"Hm," Edward hums as he leans his face a little lower until I feel his hot breath through the navy blue lace of my panties. I gasp. "I want to taste you," he says.

 _Yes, please._ "Then do it."

He sits me on the edge of the table and his fingers toy with the waistband of my panties before he pulls them off. Fully exposed now, there's no anxiety to be found, only overwhelming desire. He places my feet on the wooden arms of the chair he's sitting in as he pulls up closer and kisses slowly up my inner thighs, taking his sweet time. There's something intensely erotic about the way he's still dressed and I'm completely bare and spread open before him. The anticipation is killing me.

"You're already wet," he whispers as he slides his tongue up between my folds causing my whole body to shudder. His eyes meet mine and his lips turn up into a smirk before he flattens his tongue against my clit and moves it in slow, deliberate circles. I can't keep my hips still as I lean back and place my hand in his hair, giving it a little tug. His answering groan against me sends a shiver up my spine.

"Fuck, you're really good at this," I say breathless as I tingle all over.

He starts to flick his tongue against my bundle of nerves as he slides one and then two of his fingers inside me, curling them upward in gentle but purposeful strokes. I can't watch anymore as my back arches and my hands clench into fists. It's right there, so close, the first thread of my orgasm. I let myself get lost in the sensations of his tongue and fingers working in tandem for the sole purpose of getting me off. My whole body stiffens as I focus on the warm, euphoric feeling building so fast in my lower belly and between my legs. I don't even know what I'm saying or maybe I'm just moaning as my mind goes blank and everything inside me snaps and explodes into acute pleasure.

My knees are shaky as I sit up and look at Edward. He looks like lust and his eyes are glittering darkly when they meet mine. "You're beautiful when you come," he says before he sucks his two fingers into his mouth.

I lean forward and kiss him deep, twirling my tongue with his. "I taste so good on you," I say as I lick my lips. "I need you inside me."

"I want to be," Edward says roughly as he watches my mouth.

We both scramble toward the nearest bed of the two, Edward struggling to get out of his clothes on the way. It doesn't take him long to get down to his black boxer briefs that showcase beautifully his obvious erection. Holy shit, my memory sucks.

"You're staring," Edward says, looking a little too shy for someone who just had his face between my legs.

"How could I not?"

I get up on my knees and do the honors of taking off his underwear. His body is one of the most enticing things I've ever laid eyes on. I'm ready to go again just from teasing myself by looking at the deep V at his hips that trails down to one of the prettiest dicks I've ever seen in my life. It's just so thick and straight. He swallows like he's nervous and I can't have that. He's perfect and maybe he needs to hear it. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I think you have the ideal cock. We should make a plaster cast of it and put it in a museum for the next millennium. Women and men alike will weep as they gaze upon it."

He chuckles as he smacks my hand away from his junk and gets on top of me. "You're silly."

More like horny, but silly it is. Edward circles his hips until he's sliding against me in all the right places. "This is really happening."

I cup his face in my hands. "It's happening."

"I've wanted you again for so long," he says.

"You can have me all you want. You may even get tired of me."

"Never going to happen," he says as he grabs his jeans from the floor, I'm sure to get a condom.

The thought pops into my head and before I can really process it, I know it's right. I know Edward wouldn't be with me this way at all if there was something to worry about. I kiss him long and deep as I wrap my hand around his cock and guide him to my opening.

"Are you sure?" He asks with wide eyes and a shaky breath.

"I'm covered," I say as I wrap my legs around his hips.

Our tongues are twirling together and I moan into his mouth when I feel him spreading around my wetness. Up and down, he teases me a little more before he settles at the right place and presses forward. It almost hurts as he works his hips back and forth in short strokes to open me up. _So good._ As deep as he can get, Edward stills for a moment and takes a shuddering breath before he starts to move within me. I feel so full and can hear how slick I am with each slow thrust.

"Are you okay?" It's the same question he asked me the first time around.

This time, though, I know for sure what my answer is. "Yeah," I whisper as I roll my hips and tighten around him.

It's like that reassurance was all he needed to let go as he leans back and hooks his arms behind my knees, angling my hips up as his thrusts become hard and deep inside me. He wasn't lying–there's nothing gentle about it as I hold onto his forearms, loving every moment that he isn't afraid to take what he wants from me. It's raw and hungry and like nothing I could have expected. I glance down to where we're connected, getting off on seeing how perfect we look together like this.

"Right there," I moan out when his thick tip hits my spot. Edward listens and makes it a point to hit it over and over, relentless with each stroke until I'm trembling and on the brink of another orgasm.

"I want to feel you come," he says, his voice gritty and commanding as he brushes his thumb firmly against my clit

"Don't stop." I pant as my eyes squeeze shut, so close to giving him what he wants. Giving in to what I want. I grip his shoulders and pull him down for a kiss as my pleasure builds up and rushes through my body, my sex pulsing and clenching around him. Edward follows right behind me, shuddering and gasping through his release.

My body is buzzing with contentment as Edward rests his head against my chest, catching his breath. We're both a little sweaty and I'm sure my cheeks are as flushed as his are. "Damn," I say, hugging him to me as tightly as I can with my post-orgasm endorphin rush.

"Stole the thought right out of my head," he says.

"I could take a nap right about now. I wasn't expecting to come again so fast. You have skills, Mr. Masen."

"Why thank you, Miss Swan." He moves to look up at me. "The face you make when you come," he trails off, shaking his head and blowing out a breath.

"You're so cute," I say, palming his cheek. "I'm feeling a little leaky down under."

"The shower is big enough for us both. You're coming with me this time," he says, making a joke of our first encounter.

"Your phone better not ring once."

"Just to clear the air, there's no one else. You're the only one," he says lightly, but it feels serious.

"I feel the same way. Be my boyfriend?"

"Yeah." He kisses one of my nipples and makes me laugh. "I'd love nothing more."

* * *

 **AN: There are two more chapters left, a final chapter and an epilogue/futuretake.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

 **October**

"Are you sure?" I ask one more time.

"Bella, I wouldn't be offering you a deal like this if I wasn't. I'd love to have you as part of the Cullen Publishing family," Esme says.

At the writers retreat, I learned quickly that Esme Platt-Cullen is a ball-busting, take-no-prisoners kind of woman hidden behind an elegant veneer. Cullen Publishing may bear her husband's name, but she's taken the company to a whole different level. I've only been home for two days and wasn't expecting Esme to call with an offer to publish a book of essays from my travels. The workshop went extremely well and I met a lot of amazing women who thought I was equally amazing. That alone was a treat, but being offered a book deal is a whole fucking cake of awesome.

"Can I think about it first?" I don't even know proper protocol for this sort of thing.

"Of course it is. I'd be worried if you instantly agreed. I'll email you a copy of the contract so you can have your lawyer look it over."

Lawyer. Right. I don't have one of those, but I do have an amazing boyfriend who's well versed in striking deals. "I doubt I'll take that long. I can't thank you enough for the offer."

"You're very welcome."

I end the call and stare off into space, wondering how my life could possibly get any better than it is right now. Edward and I have been pretty much inseparable since our trip to Forks, and I'm completely gaga, over-the-moon crazy about him. Rose is on cloud nine between finding quickly growing success as a beauty guru on YouTube and having set a wedding date with Emmett for June of next year. My parents are both happy and in good health. My career has been going insanely well and now a book deal just fell into my lap. I know people who have been actively seeking book deals for years and I somehow managed to just get one without trying? How does that happen?

I scoff and shake my head at my luck. This is the part where Rose would tell me it's because I worked my butt off until I was recognized by the right people, but still, it feels so effortless I'm almost afraid to trust it.

Although he got in really late, I head upstairs to wake up Edward. I was half asleep when he came over to my place after work and crawled in bed with me, so we haven't talked since yesterday morning. He comes over most nights. It's funny because I envied Rose at one point for getting to go spend the night at her boyfriend's place, but now that she's gone and my house is more private than Edward's apartment, he and I always manage to end up here. He claims it's because my house is cozier and my bed is more comfortable than his. I do love his apartment though. It's very sleek and modern with a gigantic kitchen, totally different from my little bungalow overlooking the sound.

I lie down next to Edward and he mumbles incoherently before he pulls me in like he does. I think it's instinctive, like I'm his favorite pillow or something. I tickle his nose with the tip of my finger, trying not laugh at the way his face scrunches up. It's almost eleven-thirty, so he should be good on sleep.

"Wakey wakey," I say softly, pushing his unruly hair away from his face. I'd say he's due for a haircut but my heart might break if he gets one.

"No," he groans out.

"Yes."

"I don't wanna."

"But I have amazing news."

"What's that?"

"Esme just called me. The woman who invited me to the retreat."

"Regarding?"

"A book deal. For me. A collection of essays on my travels. Apparently I'm funny and interesting and just what she's looking for."

"You're definitely all of those things," he says with his eyes still closed and a lazy smile on his lips.

"I need your help. She's sending me a copy of the contract to have my non-existent lawyer look it over. I need you to read it and tell me what you think."

"I can do that," he says as he finally opens his eyes to look at me. "I'm happy for you."

"I think I'm happy about it too, though I don't know exactly what this means yet."

He nods before he yawns. "What time is it?"

"Almost noon."

"Ugh. I need to get up. I was going over a mountain of paperwork last night and it took longer than I thought. Finding a good house wine for Eclipse is surprisingly difficult with all the vineyards cropping up all over. I just wanted to be home in bed with you."

"Maybe you should just move in. You're here all the time anyway."

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes before he looks at me. "Is it too soon for that?"

"I don't know. Is it? Is there a right way to do this?"

"I'm sure someone out there has an opinion about it."

"I only care about ours," I say.

"Well, my lease isn't up until January. That gives us a couple months to make the decision."

"You're mine. I'm yours. And I love you dearly. I don't see why not," I say.

"What?" Edward stiffens beside me.

"Huh? What's wrong?"

He rolls over until he's on top of me, nose to nose and looking me straight in the eye. "You just told me you love me."

Wow. I did. It just slipped out like I was reciting a fact. It _is_ a fact. I love him. "Well, I do love you. I'm sorry if you wanted a candlelight dinner for two and a box of chocolates before I said it."

His smile is brilliant. "No, no, no. This is better. Honest. Not a production. How long have you known?"

I shrug and nudge my nose with his. "I don't know. I think maybe the seed has been there for years. It's just been growing a lot recently. You make me feel all sorts of things," I say as I unceremoniously cup his morning wood.

He laughs and he looks so happy it makes my chest hurt as he lies back down beside me. "I love you too, you know. I have for a very long time."

"I know. I love my life, but I still wonder what it would have been like if I was with you all this time."

"You were always with me. I think I always knew in the back of my mind I was waiting for you. I'm glad it didn't turn out to be hopeless."

"I took my sweet ass time, didn't I?"

"I think we both did."

"Eyes wide open," I say, knowing he'll understand me completely.

"No more missing out."

I kiss him, morning breath and all, because I'll take what I can get and treasure every moment we get together, even if those moments aren't always this good.

"That's some good shit right there," he says when we break apart.

"The best."

He taps my lips with one of his fingers. "So a book deal? Why aren't you jumping around like it's Christmas morning?"

I shrug. "I don't know that it's hit me yet. I told her I'd get back to her and she recommended I have my lawyer look over my contract. I should get one of those at some point."

"I have several. One of them specializes in entertainment contracts. I'm sure he knows something about publishing deals. I'll still look it over if you want me to."

"I do."

"Your career is already based around writing, so a book makes perfect sense. I'll be the first in line to buy it."

"Always my biggest fan," I say.

"Damn right. I wonder what you'll call it."

"Hm. I don't know. I'm not even sure what I'll put in it if the deal is good and I go through with it. What places I'll want to write about."

Edward kisses the inside of my wrist. "Compass."

"What?"

"That's what you should call your book. If you want."

Compass. _Compass_. "That's fucking perfect," I say and kiss his chest. "Full circle. You had this planned all along didn't you?"

"What part?"

"The part about me never forgetting where home is."

"And where's home?"

I snuggle into his side, my favorite place on Earth. "Home is right here with you. Anywhere with you."


	19. EpilogueFuturetake

**Epilogue:**

 **An Evening with the Masens and the Swan**

My eldest son was a total accident, but I wouldn't change a thing if given the chance.

In November of 2016, my period came and never quite stopped, turning into all month long spotting that drove me crazy. After a few tests, my gynecologist deemed it a hormonal problem and had me switch to a new birth control once I finished the other. This was all well and good, but Edward got a shipment of wine from a new vineyard to sell at Eclipse and we had a little too much fun tasting the product. It just so happened to coincide with our first Christmas together as a couple. In our celebratory drunkenness, we weren't exactly thinking about using condoms that night, something my gynecologist recommended we use for the first month after starting the new pill. We didn't even use our bed. I'm fairly certain our son was either conceived on the kitchen table or on the stairs his father and I couldn't quite walk up that night. We were both freaked out when several weeks later what I assumed was stomach flu from hell turned into us finding out that not only was I pregnant, but I was experiencing hyperemesis.

Jack was born the following September and if he ever asks, I'll probably lie and tell him he was planned just like his younger brother Oliver. With neither of us having siblings growing up, Edward and I decided it wouldn't be so bad to have another. I wish I could say pregnancy was a dream and everything was all natural and spiritual and shit, but oh my god, I hated the process. I had hyperemesis with both pregnancies and preeclampsia with Oliver. With him I retained water really bad and swelled up like a balloon despite my healthy diet. I'm surprised the tattoo on my side wasn't wrecked by stretch marks the way the skin around my belly button is. It's like a sunburst of silvery marks beaming from my navel. Edward likes to kiss them and claims they're the best work of art on my body. That adorable freak.

Eight years in and we're still not married. It seems to drive everyone around us nuts, but it's just who we are. We know neither of us is going anywhere and our living wills are iron clad. Parenthood has been quite the journey these last seven years, but I'm so in love with our kids I don't know what I'd do without them. I know Edward feels the same way I do. Surprisingly, he and I agree on just about everything when it comes to parenting so neither of us have much issue there. I think we got all the major arguing out of our system back when we were teenagers.

"Jack, pack up the paints. You need to take a bath tonight." At seven, Jack is a total ringer for his dad aside from the hazel eyes he got from my mom. My little Ollie also looks like Edward, but with my dark hair and brown eyes.

"I don't want to stop."

"I know, but it's getting late. You have school tomorrow."

Like Edward, Jack loves art and has a natural talent for it. I have no doubt he'll be as good as his father is someday, his work getting better and better the older he gets. I have quite a few of his little paintings in my home office. While I was pregnant with Ollie, I sold my beloved house and Edward and I bought a much bigger place with a large yard on Mercer Island. Ollie turned two a few months ago. My November baby.

"I hate taking a bath," Jack says with a snippy attitude he also inherited from Edward.

"Yeah, but you still need to take one," I say as I put his paint brushes in the sink. It's like he turned seven and decided soap and water are enemies to be avoided for as long as possible.

He growls and does his little jig where he sort of shakes in place and stomps his feet. "I don't want to take a bath!"

His shriek goes right through me and I whip around to face him. "Guess what I don't want?"

He blinks up at me with a scowl on his precious little face. "What?"

"I don't want to be the mother of the stinky kid in town. Now I can't stop being your mom, so as far as I see it, you don't have a choice. Go get in the bath before I take your paints away for a week."

He stomps off, but not before bellowing from the top of the stairs, "You are so mean."

"I love you too, Jack. Don't forget to wash behind your ears," I yell back as I start rinsing out his paint brushes.

"Dropped a deuce like a champ," Edward says as he walks into the kitchen with Ollie on his hip. Our youngest is surprisingly self-sufficient. He's been pretty good about saying "potty" when he has to go, but we aren't pushing him just yet since he's still so young. I'm just glad he isn't taking after Jack who was nearly four before he was potty trained.

"Did you use the potty?" I ask in my silly Mom voice I didn't know I had until I gave birth.

"Yiss," Ollie says and claps his hands just like Edward and I do when he goes. He's a pretty decent talker, but not quite like Jack at his age. Jack was a very early talker, a chatterbox who wanted to converse with everyone he came across. Ollie is definitely a smart little cookie, but he's much shyer than his brother ever thought about being.

"So, Bella, I take it you don't want to be the mother of the stinky kid in town?"

I laugh. "I'm at my wit's end with the bathing issue. I know I probably shouldn't have said that to him. From what I've read, it's a pretty common phase for kids to go through. I'm just over it."

"I'll talk to him about it. I don't like the way he talked to you as it is."

"Aw, that's sweet, having my back and all."

"Always," he says as he leans in for a kiss I gladly give.

"No," Ollie screeches as he pushes our faces apart.

"Hey you, I love to kiss your mommy. Just you wait until you meet someone you like to kiss. I'll remember this," Edward says and nuzzles his cheek into the top of Ollie's head. My heart goes all melty when he's sweet with the boys. I love the way he loves our children.

We're both lucky that we've been able to be home with our boys the majority of the time. I even babysit Rose and Emmett's three kids a couple times a week. Their daughter, my darling Lily Belle, is six months younger than Jack, and their holy terror twins Emma and Elijah just turned three in December. Much like I ended up doing, Rose decided she was done after her second pregnancy. She got a tubal during her scheduled C-section with the twins.

I considered doing the same after I had Ollie, but decided an IUD would be less invasive. Edward, being the caring, considerate man he is, told me I'd gone through enough giving him his sons and instead decided to get a vasectomy before I was cleared to have sex again. I think my health issues during my final pregnancy scared him more than they did me. I went with him to his eight weeks post-operation sperm analysis where he had to masturbate into a cup. He'd been having a lot of self love sessions around that time, not only because I had no sex drive whatsoever, but he was still trying to clear the pipes, so to speak. Once we were assured his sperm count was zero, my hormones were getting back to normal and our dry spell was officially over.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asks me.

"You and me between the sheets."

"Yeah? Am I going to get lucky tonight?"

"Maybe."

"It's been two weeks."

"I know. When did we become those boring, almost middle-aged people?" Forty isn't too far off, but I don't really care. Yeah, my once fast metabolism has turned into a lazy bitch the last few years and I have quite a few strands of silver hidden under the hair dye, but I'm happier than ever. My kids keep me on my toes and I'm madly in love with their father.

"We're definitely not boring. You won't feel that way next month."

"Don't remind me. It's hard enough to wait as it is." For Christmas, Edward planned an early March trip to St. Croix, renting out a private waterfront villa for all four of us. I can't wait to have a break from the overcast winter here in Washington.

"Did Esme get back to you on whether or not she and Carlisle are coming this weekend?"

"Yes. That brings the guest list to fourteen including the boys and us," I say. All of our family and local friends are coming over for the Super Bowl this weekend.

"Sixteen. Alice and Jasper are coming."

"Alice is going to watch football?"

"I don't know. She'll probably just get drunk and be the weird quiet one in the corner," Edward says as he gives Ollie a sippy cup of water. "There's always one."

"You know you secretly adore her."

He shrugs. "There are worse people in the world."

"We should get one of those subs. The big ones for all the meat eaters coming over. I'll make my hummus and pita bread. Maybe we can do individual pizzas. Ugh. It's going to be packed."

"We have four thousand square feet. I think they'll fit."

I roll my eyes. I was all for having a house along the lines of what we already had, just with an extra bedroom and bathroom, but Edward has an eight-figure bank account to my seven and fell in love with this house with its open floor plan and boat dock out back. I did too and it's not like I mind having a private office and a gourmet kitchen, but I feel like I went backwards with the minimalist lifestyle I strived to live for so many years. It's strange to worry about my kids and how they'll approach things like money, but Edward and I both agree that Jack and eventually Ollie will have to earn what they get. Jack helps me with the recycling and has to keep his room clean and his bed made. I'm sure it will turn into more when he gets older, but it's enough for now.

Edward was going to buy his parents old house in Forks several years ago, but a family made an offer on it and he decided to buy some land instead. Always the businessman, he built a two bedroom A-frame cabin on it that he rents out to tourists throughout the year. We stay there a few weeks each summer, much to the delight of my parents. My dad and Jack have a close relationship that I love.

Unfortunately, I never really got to know Edward's dad. He was a quiet guy to begin with, but he all but disappeared once he got sick. After smoking two packs a day for over thirty years, he passed away from throat cancer a few weeks after Jack's first birthday. It hit Edward pretty hard, but having Jack to focus on was a blessing. The same goes for Elizabeth. Ed left her financially set, so she kept their condo downtown. She's been traveling a lot and is actually the reason we're going to St Croix. Edward saw the pictures she took when she went last year and decided he has to see it for himself.

"I'm clean, Mom," Jack says as he comes bounding back into the kitchen wearing his pajamas.

"Poor kid. All those cowlicks from your dad," I say as I try to smooth down his damp hair with my fingers.

"I resent that. I have great hair," Edward says. He has a few grays now too, but they're minimal and he wears them well.

"I know you do. Messy and sexy," I say quietly. I swear, Edward gets sexier to me as the years go by.

"Definitely getting lucky tonight," he says with a fist pump.

"I want to get lucky too," Jack says. I look to Edward whose eyes have widened.

"Forget I said that please," Edward says.

"Why? Grandpa Charlie got lucky on a scratcher. He said it's a good day when you can turn a dollar into ten of them."

Whew. Dodged that bullet. I can see Edward feels the same. "Maybe I'll teach you about the world of finance someday, but for now, I need you to respect your mother like she respects you."

"I do."

"You yelled at her and told her she was mean just because she wanted you to take a bath. Do you know why she wants you to take a bath?"

"So I don't stink," Jack says. I know for a fact he hates upsetting Edward, but Jack's a little more emotional and temperamental with me.

"There's that, but she also loves you and wants you to be healthy. So do I. Part of being healthy is taking care of yourself like taking a bath and brushing your teeth. Washing your hands after you use the bathroom. People get sick because they don't clean themselves."

"Oh."

"Is your mom really all that mean to you?"

"No," Jack says as he looks down at the floor.

"So what should you do?"

"I'm sorry, Mom," Jack says and he hugs me tight. "I'll take baths when you tell me to. I promise."

"Cool. That's all I want," I say as I hug him back.

* * *

I'm drinking a mug of tea and going over the line edits of my new book now that the boys are in bed. I'm already a little late sending things back over to my editor. It's my third book, a vegan cook book, scheduled for a summer release with Evelyn, the imprint over at Cullen. It's been a long time coming, both with writing it as well as choosing the accompanying photos. Elizabeth actually played a role this time, not only helping with the photographs, but in helping me get my small greenhouse going. I branched off my website into two separate entities instead of having just one place that housed my own blog among everything else. Nowadays, it's my personal website that I run, having given over the other site to a team of people I trust. I still sign off on everything, but it's more or less a place for other like-minded people to write articles and to network.

"Are you coming to bed?" Edward asks from where he stands in the doorway.

"Soon. I just want to finish this part."

"How about you come to bed now and I'll take Jack to school in the morning and drop Oliver off at my mom's so we can both get some work done tomorrow?"

I smile as I stare at my computer screen where the words seem to be melting together anyway. "You miss me, don't you?"

"I do. I need me some Compass."

"You're so fucking cute. Stop it."

"No," he says as he pulls my chair out and gets on his knees, resting his head in my lap. I massage his scalp the way he likes and he closes his eyes, humming contentedly. "I'm going to sell Eclipse. The buyer I told you about came through with a great offer. We'll be set for the rest of our lives if I take it."

"I thought we already were set."

He chuckles. "Then we'll be extra set for the rest of our lives."

"Are you sure you're ready for that?" I ask. He's already sold every other place he's owned. "What will you do with all your spare time?"

"I don't know. I've been flirting with the idea of going back to school. Not full time or anything. Take some art classes to get back in touch with that side of me. It's something I can share with Jack. He loves when I sit down and paint with him."

"I know he does. I think that's a great idea."

"It's just a thought for now. I didn't want to commit to anything without talking to you first."

"Maybe you can convert the empty part of the garage into a studio. I told you that thing was too big. Just like the house."

"Quit talking shit about our house. It's not too big."

I laugh. "Okay. It's not too big."

"Are we still going to that charity dinner Friday night?"

"I sent back the RSVP card and our donation. We probably should. I'll have to get a dress for it." Edward and I donate to various charities throughout the year, the one in question being for youth art and music programs.

"I love when you get all dressed up. Makes me want to take all your clothes off."

"What? My oversized Batman t-shirt doesn't do it for you?" I ask tugging at my shirt. I'm already feeling a little throbbing between my legs. It's definitely been too long.

"You always do it for me."

I slide down on the floor so I can pin him down and kiss the shit out of him. These lips are still so good, the best, and he knows just how I like it as he nips lightly at my bottom lip. Before I take my shirt off, I reach over to shut my office door and lock it in case Jack were to wake up and see something he shouldn't. Edward smiles like he just got the best surprise ever as his hands cup my tits and gives them a squeeze.

"Love these," he says as he leans up and latches his mouth on one of my nipples.

"Love this," I say as I pull down his loose pajama pants just enough to take his hard dick out. "Perv. Already good to go."

He scoffs. "Like you aren't."

Edward lets go off my tits long enough for me to shimmy out of my panties before I sit back down on his lap, taking him inside me. I sigh, feeling the familiar stretch and fullness. "That's good," I say, raising up a little only to slide back down, having my way with him on my office floor.

"Best pussy ever."

"You and that filthy mouth," I say as I lean forward to kiss him again.

We get right down to business as Edward holds my ass and thrusts up inside me, knowing just how to make me come as quickly as possible when we get these small moments alone. We take our time when we get the chance to, but for now, it's fast and dirty.

"Right there, baby. Don't stop," I moan as quietly as I can.

"So good," he says as he thrusts a little harder, hitting my clit in the process. It's just enough to make me clench down hard as I come. Edward wraps his arms around my waist and groans into my shoulder as he twitches and spills inside me.

"Fuck," I say, trying to catch my breath.

"That was like less than five minutes. Is that sad?"

I laugh and let myself collapse on top of him. "I'm nowhere near sad. I just had an orgasm because my super hot boyfriend has a magic dick."

"You only want me for my body, don't you?"

"Meh. I like the rest of you too," I say as I get up off the floor.

"Here," Edward says as he hands me my t-shirt and panties.

"Thank you kindly," I say and get dressed. Edward sits down in my computer chair and gives me a look I don't see from him very often. Kind of sad. "Are you okay?"

He just keeps looking at me and I wonder if maybe I read him all wrong and he wanted more than a quickie on my office floor. He seemed to be just as into it as I was. "Dude. What?"

"Marry me."

It's my turn to stare. "Marry you?"

"Yeah."

"This is random," I say. We've talked about marriage before, but he's never outright asked me.

"It's been on my mind all evening."

"Why is that? Talk to me," I say as I sit on his lap with clothes on this time.

"Did you see Jack's painting he did earlier?"

"He painted like five pictures today. Which one?"

"The one of all four of us. He wrote _The Masen Family_ at the top of it. It just hit me hard that you don't share our last name."

It's hitting me hard too as my eyes sting with tears. "We are a family though."

"I know. Does he even know your last name is Swan?"

"I think so. He's seen my books and he gets the mail sometimes. I don't think we've ever discussed it before. We're just Mom and Dad to him."

"Yeah. I just want to make it official as long as you're on board."

"We're already official as far as I'm concerned," I say as I kiss him. "But okay."

"Really?"

"I don't want a big wedding. I so don't want a big wedding. Rose and Emmett's production about did me in."

He smiles. "Got it. Maybe we can just have a little something out back when it gets warmer. A small ceremony with a nice dinner."

"That sounds perfect."

"I have to get you a ring."

"No diamonds. Diamonds are boring."

"I know how you feel about diamonds."

"And I don't like – "

"Gold. I know. Platinum it is."

"I'm down with silver. And nothing expensive. I don't want to walk around with something worth someone's college tuition on my finger."

"Yes, dear."

"And don't forget the most important part."

He's full out laughing at me now. "What's that?"

"That I love you."

His eyes soften and he kisses his favorite freckle on my cheekbone. "I love you, too, Compass."

 **AN: That's all, folks. Thank you so much for reading this little story. Hopefully you found it entertaining and it made you smile.**


End file.
